hmm,, about me,, what to say,,, here goes. i am middle aged, going bald which i try desperately to conceal with baseball caps. the caps really accent my mullet quite nicely! i enjoy my days lounging on my mothers couch, scatchin, burpin, farting and drinking beer after beer and watching re runs of ancient game shows. price is right and family feud rocks! all while contemplating gainful employment. nasa has yet to contact me, so gainful employment is not looking so good right now. but am not giving up on them yet. i have been thinking about a career change. i wonder if bill gates requires the services of a personal spender? i should call him,,, again. as far as romance, thats not going as well as it should. if Selma Hayek didnt have those damn body guards, and restraining order on me, her and i would be living a lust filled life together. mmm choco syrup and selma hayek just sounds yummy doesnt it!!!
while i wait for my beloved selma i am looking for a certain type of gal. ive made a small list of what id love to find in a woman. here it is

1. she must be sexxy!
2. she must not be closely related to me ( grey area there cause i have this hot cousin and this one time we,,umm,, nevermind )
3. owning a truck would be a plus, that way she can tow the fishing boat she's about to buy for me, i mean, us
4. burping the alphabet to at least "n" is a must! she has to be able to keep up with me
5. she must never fart in bed! thats my domain, and only i fart in bed!!!
6. she must enjoy " dutch ovens " but only when i do them! see #5
7. she must demonstrate the ability to change kegs and have a uncanny sense as to when the keg is about to go dry
8. former pizza parlor experience is a definate plus!
9. when it comes to salad, id like her to have the same philosphy as i do,, " thats not food, thats what food eats"
10. she must have an open opinion about men wearing thongs