Pimpin Ave's blog: "Here is a little about myself"

Here is my url to myspace if anyone wants it and besides my page there is pretty sweet myspace.com/gottalove69style

Today is Friday Oct. the 19 2007. I feel lost, like I don't belong here in this big world. I have been thinking about alot these past few weeks. I just don't understand somethings in my life still today. Its like I work my ass off for what man. when I first starting working it was for the schools through a program call OWA in high school. I made maybe 125 a week for like 25 hrs of work. Half the school year I was a janitor then the other half I became a teachers' aid. I had a blast with it all. But as I started to work real jobs, it was like more and more people were just using me to get what they wanted. I worked for this fast food place called Rally's for 2 and a half years with only 2 days off. Everytime someone called off they would call me asking if I'd help them out. So I would drop my plans and go to work. But at the end I was lied on as well screwed over on rasies and postions. Well everyone said I was their best worker ever but see if that was the case I would have gotten my raises like everyone did or I would have gotten a better postion. But that shos people do a lot of lying in this world. I been thinking alot about me wanting to settle down and start a family with someone. But I gueam just one of them people that has to be like 40 or 50 or almost dying to even make it that far in life. Hell I have an uncle thats 40 and hasn't even had a child of his own yet still today. And I feel like I am going in the same direction and I don't want that. People ask why men lie all the time, But it works both ways if you think about it. For an exmaple. Guys think that oh she don't know and isn't going to know I am cheating on her. Wel when time comes and they been cuaght they sit there and play dumb like no babe I didn't do that or screw her or this and that. Like the woman didn't know or found out. But she women also do the same thing but they try to be way smarter then men. But she when they g cuaght its like see ya then thats the end of them... Why is that Why lie for. Saying you love someone and then cheating on them is wrong man. But enough about that boring crap cuz i can go on all day and night about that. I miss my unborn child my ex gf and I had alot. I guess trying to keep it off my mind is harder than I thought. But all the questons that run through my mind, keep coming and coming as I start to wonder why.

Ok lets say you are dating someone ok and they say this all right here. ( just asking one of my friends on fubar asked me why you were checking his page out and he wrote u a message asking y u keep looking at my friends u should stop and stay out of my bussnes but hun i already to talk to him so please dont say anything to him k hes a good friend of mine i dont want people mad at me k huny) How would you react if you cared or loved her or him? What would be running through your mind? These people know who they are and well I haven't said there names and don't plan on it And Well Lets see where it goes from here cuz my guess is if you get mad at me for this thing it says it all that I wanted to know. I am sorry if it made ya mad at me for this but I am blunt about alot of things and well I am no fool but You need to see my point of view as well as I see yours which by the way I know when I make mistakes and I fix them as I make them too

I been thinking about life alot I guess. Looking back at the past and then looking at now...It has gave me alot to think about. As i was growing up like when I was 17 and 18 I had thi I loved in life.I had friends that actually wanted to do things with me. I had gurls that loved me, but at the same time I believe they only loved me due to I had weed everyday and I ani't talk to smal amounts either, or cuz I had money all the time. I always had a job on top of that. But as life as i started living it was icredible I thought. I had a beautiful young woman that I could come home to every night after work and she was there everytime...Waiting for me to wrp my arms around and cuddle and hold her...Don't get me wrong I done with out things for her such as clothes,cars,friends,family,(well her family was there for me unlike my wasn't) they treated me like I was one of them. Yeah I ani't going to lie about it Everyone called me her little bitch boy cuz I was always doing everything she asked or even told me to do...We could be in the kitchen and she would ask me to get her something to drink or even something to eat. I did even if I didn't want to, cuz I cared and loved her. She would get mad at me when I went to ee my so called family or friends even when her brother asked me to go and do things with him...he was a bit of a control freak you can say, but she always kept me out of trouble though. I just can't see through what has happened in the past few years...After her and i had problems and I tryied so hard to work them out thbest I could as I tryied to give my real dad a second chance in my life. I wrote to her like 4 times a week and she in Alabama their mail runs quite qick I can write a letter today mail it today she would ha gotten it 2 days from now. I wrote my family and even friends. Do you know not one single person me back not even my own mother... Thats sad man. I remember sending my ex gf money to make sure her nd out child would have a place to live and food in their stomachs and ect. I sent like 200.00 to 350.00 a week besides my dad did'n have m to do with me he was more into his beer and this chick that is a year older than me. I had to take a chance in driving my car or walking 40 miles to a store when I had to go or ask my boss or his son to take. All I caredabout was my ex gf and our soon to be child but hey I was stupid for leaving. I came back cuz she wanted me to...Just to be with her and our soon to be child and well I found out she was cheating on me with her brother's wife's dad and he beat the hell out of her and made her lose my child and after finding out I was hit with a protection order that was nothing but lies and it has screwede my life up pretty good. Well I gues maybe I wasn't to have the life I try to have being the sweet kinwarm heart man that I am...That has nothing but having a family of his own on his mind...Or even the thoughts of being able to start a family and sit there and know I am being loved back or needed by them. What about being about to read a good bed time story to my boy or even little gurl. Being able to tuck them into bed and kiss them on the forhead and being there to keep them safe or give them advice as they are growing up or even helping with their school projects or homework. Well I guess goals and dreams don't never come true if you want them bad as I do... yeah I know someday boy wait and see. And you know what I am 24 years old and watched all my friends but a few have children of their own even my sister had a child before me man. I bet and put my life on it tat my little 16 year brother will have a child before me. Do had dreams about so yeah I know its going to happen. I am just one of them guys that nothing in his life goes as he wants or plans it to.

Life is full of surprizes...Look I know what people say, but the thing is you can't judge a book by its' cover until you read it right or wrong? Well I am sorry if me telling the truth isn't right, but you know a person can only hold things in for a period of time before they can't take it anymore... Like one people say I am not ugly...Heres what I have to say to it. Quit lying cuz i know I am and i am not a shame to admit to it either. If you was shy growing up and didn't talk to anyone and when you asked gurls out. Well after you heard them tell ya to get out their face cuz you were ugly or cuz growing up your family wanted to treat you like shit. You'd say the same thing. Yeah I can honestly say growing up asking women out...I was told I was ugly or slapped in the face and kicked in the balls, or even lied on cuz they didn't like me... Lets say it was you ok. How would you feel after trying so hard in life and you was the black sheep to everything even to your own family. I know I am not the greatest person in the world...Yeah I love sitting there holding a woman in my arms and smelling her amazing slky hair... Or even when I start massaging their body...You know what I am saying. I can honestly say That I never thought about somethings in life and one was How I didn't lose my virgianity until I was 20 years old...Yeah I am proud of myself for it...But I was always scared to have sex cuz everyone talkinf about std's and having children you know....I didn't want to end up like my mom or dad you know...I have always said I'd never get with anyone that had an std and well I did...My ex gf had herpies...Still today dr's are asking Mr. Moore you are very lucky and i don't know how you didn't catch what she had but You should be very thank full for it. I ani't going to lie yeah I am very proud of myself for not catching it you know... I was always scared that I would have ended up with a child of my own as well. Afard that I wouldn't know what to do and well I am 24 years old and I can honestly say that has been the best time of my life when my ex gf a I had a child on the way until everything came down all at once...Being scared to tell my family cuz I know what they was going to say. But Just the fact I had a child on the way was the best part of my life...Sitting there everyday thinking about things I could do with him or her or even where we could go to or being there for him or her when they needed me to...You know what I am saying...

Life is full of surprizes you know. Like for one, alright I know I am a very sweet guy and i do have a bit of romantic side to me.But i have noticed so much about woman these days...They don't care about truth. or whats in front of them and ect. I have noticed alot in life that upsets me so bad. I sit and try everyday just to get some where in life. I am honest about hings even if it hurts me in the long run. just like how I sit here and take the time to write things to people all the time and what do I get in return...Aaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww your very sweet or thank you or something you know...Cuz they want to be nice but then once they see what I look like it the pic thats it no more after that. I wish I a penny for everytime a gurl turned a way from me cuz I'd be a billioniare right now... I guess when you ugly and ani't scared to admit to it people just try their hardest to rub it in your face.Its not about looks...Maybe i can just sit here and agree with some things i heard everyday by my family downgrading me all the time or using me to get what they want...Or how all my friends can sit there and get girls left and right by bullshit to them or lying to them or even using them and cheating on them....But me now this is sad and heart beat when all your life your shy as hell and scared to try and do things...But at the end I am nothing but a LOSER I get the picture and truth hurts. I noticed People say this and that but then when it comes to real life they are like wow he is ugly or nah we want him or him just cuz they are sexy in their eyes but at the enthey get hurt. I am doing talking cuz I am just wasn't my time besides I am right and I don't have to lie about it like many of you do just like I have nothing to hide either Look I am sorry if what I say here upsets people but I am tired of feeling like I am alone and everytime i try so hard to be somebody in life...I am being myself besides more than 98% of you out there don't know what its like to be the black sheep of everything...

Well I can honestly say I don't want control freak...Don't get me wrong alright its nice when a woman say hey I don't want ya doing this or going here and ect but after my last girlfriend...I don't want anymore relationships like that... I just want a woman that will love me for who I am. Someone that is caring, trustful, honest, respectful,Who has goals in life. Someone that knows what they what out of life itself. someone with a good head on their shoulders... I want someone that will enjopy me for me and enjoy the things I do for them as well. You know cuz I am a big hearted young man. I want someone that will not cheat, lie, steal, nor hide things from me. I am the kind of guy that if you do any of the follow four I am packing my things and gone... For most of all, I want someone that can be my friend at the same time...You know being friends as you grow stronger together is the best way to keep a good relationship alive you know... I want someone who either has children or wants children...But if you don't have any and want some and lets say you gave me a chance I am not leaving even if you kicked me to the crub...I want to be there for my children the whole nine yards unlike many guys out there today...Chilren is my everything in life once I have one or a few...

Well I slept very little last night and am a bit still tired today. I guess I have alot on my mind these days. I haven't been high in over a month now...lol Which in a lot of ways is a good thing I guess. I haven't drank a beer in over 9 months as well as for me having sex...I haven't had any in about 3 years to be honest if you don't count my hand lol. while its on my mind I know I have no chance in hell in the one thing I dream about everynight. Meeting a woman that likes guys and other woman as well. Being able to have a 3sum with her and another woman. like people really say today...Dreams never do come true just like things in life.But like I say (It never hurts to try). I just don't get it, Hell people like my so called best friend sit there and bullshit their way through life and lie and steal and use others and then they all kiss his or her ass right afterwards. But me i d things the right ways and the best I can, and I get hurt in the end. Heres an exmaple and the truth as well. The last woman I was with, I more less did everything for her and her famaily... I cleaned the entire house cuz they were to lazy to. I cooked everynight cuz no one else would. I did everything the young lady asked me to even when she got mad at me for seening my family and friends I stayed at home with her. I worked 16 to 18 hours a day for fast food at the time and when I got paid I would buy her ings out of my heart cuz because i thought she would like them and cuz I wanted to show I cared butat the end. She wanted to lie on me and hurt me and screwed my life up. Its pretty bad I was sicker than a dog running a temp of 103.2 and I cooked for her cleaned the bedroom done the dishes and even washes everybody clothes and folded them and put them away while she ran with her friend all day instead of sitting around being with me. I just don't get why I be myself when everyone around me just either uses me pushs me around or runs me into the ground for. you know what I mean...

Well I am just being stupid and thought what the hey you know...Besides I am guess what I am about to do that I am right on...So I thought I would be nice and ask and see how right I am on this...How many ladys out there would sleep with me? I am just wondering cuz I am guess maybe if I am lucky there might be 1 or 2 and thats its...Come on now don't lie be honest with yourself cuz truth doesn't hurt you know...