WELL NEEDLESS TO SAY MY HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN YET AGAIN. I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED IN MY LIFE IS DESTINED TO BE FUCKED UP OR JUST NOT COME TO FLUITION. I'LL ASK THIS QUESTION.....IF YOU SAY YOU LOVED A MAN FOR 7 YEARS HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE YOU TO GET OVER THAT PERSON WHEN YOU BROKE UP? A DAY...A WEEK A MONTH? OR YOU COULD BE AHEAD OF THE GAME AND MEET SOEMONE BEFORE YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM. THAT WAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOMEONE WHILE THE OTHER PERSON IS LEFT ONCE AGAIN HOLDING THE SHATTERED PEICES OF HIS HEART IN HIS HAND. IM NOT SAYING I WAS AN ANGEL BECAUSE I HAD MY ONE MISTAKE IN THE PAST BUT I GUESS I NEVER COULD GET THAT MONKEY OFF MY BACK AND IT HAS COME TO BITE ME IN THE ASS. I DONT KNOW MAYBE I AM GETTING WHAT I DESERVE.....MAYBE I BROUGHT IT ALL ON MYSELF BY HOPING THINGS WOULD GET BETTER. BY DELUDING MYSELF INTO THINKING I WAS PART OF A FAMILY WHEN IN REALITY I WAS LIVIN IN MY OWN DREAM WORLD. THE WORLD I'VE WANTED ALL MY LIFE. DONT GET ME WRONG I LOVE MY SISTER MY AUNT MY COUSIN AND HIS WIFE AND ALSO MY EXTENDED FAMILY WHO KNOW WHO THEY ARE. BUT I WANTED A FULL FAMILY FOR MY DAUGHTER SO SHE DIDNT HAVE TO GROW UP WITH A STEP DAD OR A STEP MOM SO SHE COULD SEE WHAT TRUE FAMILY IS ALL ABOUT. WELL FOR THAT I APOLOGIZE TO MY BABY GIRL BECAUSE I FAILED HER. I COULDNT KEEP IT TOGETHER. NOW I THINK ALL I'VE DONE IS CONFUSE THE HELL OUT OF THE ONE PERSON I CARE THE MOST ABOUT. I HOPE SHE CAN FORGIVE ME LATER IN LIFEWHEN SHE ASKS WHY MOMMY AND DADDY DONT STAY TOGETHER ANYMORE. I'VE TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT TO HER BUT SHE IS STILL TO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND WHAT EXACTLY IS GOIN ON. I GUESS I SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR HER INNOCENCE AT THIS POINT. WELL I HAVE RESERVED MYSELF TO MOVE ON AND TRY AND MAKE THE BEST LIFE POSSIBLE FOR HER AND BE THE BEST ROLE MODEL POSSIBLE. EVEN THOUGH MY HEART IS BROKEN I SWEAR SHE WILL NEVER KNOW ONE OUNCE OF MY PAIN. ALL SHE WILL KNOW IS I LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THIS WORLD AND THERE ISN'T ANYONE OR ANYTHING THAT WILL EVER CHANGE THAT. AT THIS POINT SHE IS ALL I HAVE TO KEEP ME GOING AND WILL NOT LOSE HER. SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING BUT I NEEDED TO VENT.
