redrogue's blog: "Hard Dose of Cherries"

Yeah, I am still alive.  Lots of things have happened in 2 years..long story short, I lost another job, broke my leg and lost almost everything in a flood..not in that order.

I am ok now but I still need a job..like way too many people..

I am hoping to be on more.  I spend too much time on other sites...

I went to the park where our hurling club was having a hitaround. i stayed for two hours..it was sunny yet cold and I am sore but at least I wasn't running. I will get more than enough next week. I put more pics up, some are old but most are withing the last 3-5 months. I just haven't had any recent pics taken of me but soon that will change. Everyday is a day closer to me being back to normal and I won't be so friggin down on everything. Thank you all for listening to me and trust me I do return the favor if any of you need an ear or a shoulder to cry on..

I got to see him last night. He totally blew off my ex and sat on my lap the whole time I was there..after we took a fairly long walk. I could tell he didn't want me to go and was used to me coming home and watching tv. He walked into the tv room when I got up and I told him I had to 'go to work' and then he got on the couch in the front room and I gave him a good bye treat and rubbed his belly one more time. I hardly said anything to the ex. She isn't worth the breath. I could tell she couldn't wait for me to leave so I took my sweet time because it may be another 2 months before I can see my dog again. She is that type of person. If I ever become that cold I want everyone to let me know and kick my ass if you are close enough to St. Louis and would do it in person. I took another pic of him but I will have to transfer it another time. It is going to be another lonely weekend and I wish he could be with me. Fuck am I pathetic or what...sigh. I will pull out of this eventually...

For those who look at my pets pics, the latest one was my poor boy Zack who couldn't visit me because my ex, who said she would be home, wasn't so the poor little guy went to grab his toy to show off and ran to the door anyway. It broke my heart that I couldn't open the door. I am supposed to be able to visit him tonight but we shall see. I hate painting a bad picture but my ex is truly just a very very cold person. She is not the person that I met 7 years ago and fell in love with. I want to feel sorry for her but I just can't when she repeatedly lies to me and the more I find out that more I loathe her. I really really need to find a house...

Looks like another cold night here in STL. I have become the man my ex wanted me to be; work, sleep, wash, repeat. Fucking sad eh? It won't last forever and I shouldn't beat myself up over it. So much for 'being lucky for being single'. There is nothing lucky about going home to nothingness, but it beats going home to things that don't care about you, that is for sure. 'Sitting on a park bench...'

If I say anything odd in the next few days just laugh, ignore or otherwise berate me for being a jackass. Its my coping mechanism when I am down emotionally. I am my own worst enemy but I really am aware of living the Cosmic Joke and its getting old. I assure you that my bitterness is not intented towards any of you and hopefully the things I will say will enlighten you and humor you. My closest friends have always said I am funnier when I am ticked off or sad...go figure...

Ok, I have a new pet peeve. I don't mind when I see video presentations on CTs site..including my own but PLEASE make sure your presentation has a way to pause or stop. If too many videos/songs are trying to play all the time it drive me nuts..and sometimes the browser will crash (with both that I use). other than that I enjoy watching videos but please check your options before posting them.

I am so tired of trying to please everyone when they think I am doomed to failure. I am not some type of wuss even though I do tend to whine about things. I have endured a lot of hardships socially and physically in the last couple of years and I am still alive and kicking. I am done being alone and I am sick of people telling me who I can and can't see. As big a flirt as I am I am not interested in having a relationship with a married woman, no matter how 'open' their relationship is (or isn't). There is no one I know that isn't 'messed up' in some way and I am sick of people, including my own family telling me that I need to find someone who isn't 'f'ed up'. We all are f-ed up. All of us are guilty. The only thing I require is that the person is to be affectionate. I will not tolerate being told 'my touch offends me' or 'i dont feel like holding your hand' and 'go sleep with the dog'. I love my friends but I really hope I can find that 'special person' that I have always wanted to have in my life and it may never happen but if I sit on my ass in my apartment waiting for someone to just come along, I might as well become a monk..and I am not a Catholic... Thank you all for listening to me bitch:)

I found out yesterday that famous conspiracy and science fiction writer Robert Anton Wilson (Bob) passed away after a lengthy illness. From his blog it looked like he was in his final days his old crazy cranky but oddly cheerful way that he led his life. His writings helped to show me that there is more to life than what I learned in high school and that it is ok to 'think differently'. I did get to meet him back in 1998 at a conference in San Jose California. He was as interesting in real life as reading his essays and his novels. If you ever can read The Illuminatus! Trilogy, I highly recommend that you do. I know Bob wouldn't have wanted me to cry over his passing but I did. He now writes from the Great Fnord, of course, or not... Hail Eris! 23 Skidoo! Farewell Bob!