Tina's blog: "FOR EVERYONE"

Being away from you is hard. But being with you is harder still. Whenever you are far away, I want to be with you. Yet when we are together I want even more of you. To keep our friendship strong and forget about the rest is something I can no longer do. We play, we tease, we make suggestions And do this all for humor... but do we? Of all the things I have ever wanted, You are the one I need the most. But I cover this urge under a comical veil And you, I think, do the same. No longer can I be two-faced, No longer can I lie to you. You need to choose which of me you want, And which of me to forget. For I can be just your friend or just you lover, But I can no longer play a dual role.

I stand before you as a friend in pain, My once happy relationship no longer well, What used to be blissful and heavenly, Is now more sullen than hell. As you may remember, Just two months past, I had met a wonderful guy, And had wondered if it would last. You know how bad love has been to me, How every time it has wounded my heart, And yet I try again and again, And again love and I soon part. This time it felt different, As if it was somehow stronger, It seemed like this would last, Yet it did not last any longer. As I try and think of what went wrong, Of why it did not last, I come to find it was my fault, That I was such an ass. I could have done a lot different, I could have done it right, I could be sleeping soundly, Instead of staying up all night. I wonder if there's still hope, If I call him would he listen, I wonder if I told him sorry, How much of him I am missing. Would he stay on the phone, Long enough for me to say, That I long to be with him again, Every night... every day. Would he accept my apology, Would he listen to my plea, Would he want to forgive, Would he want to see me. I worry about his answer, I fear a response of no, I don't want to lose him, I don't want to let go. But I will never have closure, Unless I pick up the phone, And accept my actions as of late, The mistakes I cannot condone. Maybe he will listen, Maybe he will not, And if this struggle I do not win, Well... at least I fought.

I had been so excited to see you, it had been so very long. I thought it would be nice to surprise you, But I learned how much I was wrong. I was going to knock on your door, but I used my key instead. As I got to your room, I fell to the floor, when I saw you with her in your bed. That day when I left your home I ran away so fast. God how I felt so alone, I had thought we were going to last. You insisted on ringing the doorbell, but you are not who I want to see. You already have sent my heart into hell, so why can't you just let me be. What you have done to me has left me in such great pain. My friends say I act crazy, and I feel like I'm going insane. I cannot see how you could lie, and how you could ever stray. But when I told you goodbye I meant what I said that day.

Although you are a friend of mine and letters we exchange, I wouldn't know you on the street, and doesn't that seem strange? You hold a place within my life, unusual and unique; We share ideals and special dreams, and still, we do not speak. I picture what I think you are, perhaps you picture me. An intriguing game for both of us for someone we can't see. So for this friendship we possess, we owe this mail a debt, Perhaps the charm lies in the fact that we have never met.

The weave of romance, friendship and love Always alive, moving with the two Their hopes and sharing The strength and warmth Each can give Each can be free And then the play unfolds When each can Live for the other Nurturing and inspiring Only the problems unforgiven Could end . . . The rainbows and real fun The times outdoor and flush With each other and breezes The light fills both lives A beach is the edge of their one heart The sky the cover of the naked Excitement and delight In giving Giving Giving If it isn't giving It isn't living

How do you walk away from someone you love And take the road of friend; Can you reroute the course you have taken And start over once again? I don't really want to let you go But inside me I know I must; The times we've loved . . . the times you've left My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust. We have shared so much together Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears; Yet sometimes we can't turn back time We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal. I know one day you will be happy And your soulmate you will find; I know we each have one out there Even if for now . . . only in our minds. May life be gentle with you May God's best come your way; And on some quiet tomorrow You will realize things were better this way.

It has been so long Yet when I see you I still remember The way my heart would melt The way my stomach felt I used to love you so I am just wondering Where did those feelings go? Do you still remember? As I lay here thinking, I see your cute smile. I feel your loving lips and your warm embrace. Then, I remember, this was so long ago. I had told myself to let go. I do not love you I do not need you I would not melt in your arms, or die for a kiss Why is it that I still feel this way? I wonder, could it be? That I have always loved you, and only pretended to let go? I do not know, will I always care? I will always remember, never forget. I wonder, will I always love you?

I woke up this morning And something was wrong. I dont know what it is, But the feeling is strong. Theres something missing And its making me sad. I dont know what it is, Maybe something I lost, I once had. No, that wasnt it, I hadnt lost anything. Something wasnt here And then I got to thinking. I looked around, Everything was in place, Then I looked in the mirror With surprise on my face. I said, What could it be Thats missing today, Its making me feel empty In a very weird way. I looked around once more And I saw I was alone. Then it hit me, Why I felt on my own. I had gotten use to you Always being near. So now I know why I feel empty, Its because youre not here.

The first time we met, I knew I had a friend. The thing I did not know is that I would want to love you until the very end. Your precious love has turned my life completely around, I feel like I'm walking, but my feet don't seem to touch the ground. Sometimes you seem to be my shinning light guiding me through the long, dark night. As I lie alone in bed thinking of you and I I wonder if you think of me too as one more night slowly drags by. I wish I were there with you, kissing your sweet lips under the pale moon light, and holding you, so very tight. You really are the man of my dreams and I can't wait to be with you, for the rest of my life. I know our time away seems like an eternity, but I'll wait forever to be in your life. I love you, I need you, I want you, and I will for all my life.