Red Byrd's blog: "Foolish??"

I sit here wondering how my life has passed me by. I am a happy person by nature but everything feels like it is bringing me down. I wonder will I ever be happy, will I ever find someone who makes me happy. What will it be, when will it be. I have a Master right now, but cant feel his touch.I wonder waht will come of this. I want to try. I want to be happy I want to make him happy and I hope he feels he is not settling. I want him near I am tired of being all alone. I feel like I dont deserve it, I am on autopilot right now. To stressed to care to sad to be happy. With everything that is going on in my life I just want a break. I want someone who will make me forget. I want someone who will see me! I am tired of being the one who smiles even though I dont want to. I am tired of being the dog watcher, laundry lady, maid and cook for a person who does not appreciate it. I am tired of having my best friend walk on me and take advantage of me. I am tired of spending all my time wondering what if, or what is wrong. I am a strong woman and know I will get over all this BS and get my spine back...lol. All I want is my Master to show me the way, to be proud of me. To have someone to talk to, to care for that appreciates me. I am tired of being the girl that is just like one of the guys. This is jut may rant I had to let it out. It seems letting it out here at home does not help so I figured I would just write it down!

Ok, so honestly I have been single since my hubby died in 2003 and I have been on dates but nothing serious. I had a roommate once that we tryed to date but I realized that all he wanted was a free ride ( in more then one way)!! SO now I am wanting to get back into the dating scene but it scares me! I worry for my son, I relaize that what I am looking for is not in my small ass town and wonder what to do. I feel like a school girl if I even see someone that I find interesting but gaurd myself because they are either to far away, or becuase of my son! So what is a girl like me to do? Am I making dating and realationships to hard? Do I try with someone who may be farther away or count them out becuase of the distance?. Come on give a girl advice!! I have buried my head in my school work, job, son and dogs for to long and need to have some fun for me and see what is out there! BUT I NEED HELP!!!! AM i just realtionshiply challenged?