body { scrollbar-face-color:3333FF;scrollbar-highlight-color:FFFF00;scrollbar-3dlight-color:FFFFFF;scrollbar-shadow-color:000000;scrollbar-darkshadow-color:000000;scrollbar-arrow-color:FFFF00;scrollbar-track-color:FFFFFF; }Shit do really what to know about me? If I tell you, will you promise me that you won't fucking be scared to talk to me or leave me a commment, or cry your fucking eyes out, and ruin your keyboard? If so then keep reading. To start out the name is "James", I'm 23yrs old and I still don't have my shit together so I can move on with life. My family doesn't give a RATS ass about me, I hate my mom for what she did to me when I was 8yrs old. She sent me to a fucking school for boys and I was in there until I was 13yrs old. I came home not knowing my family or for that matter knowing what it felt like to be loved or shown what love is. I fucked up my schooling and dropped out like a dumb ass all over this girl because I wanted to be with her. My parents moved to a different town so I dropped out to get a job so I could move back and be with her. I was 15yrs old and she was 13yrs old when we first met. Fell for her the first time I seen her. We were stuck up each others asses, did everything together "everything". We had no friends because we spent all the time we had with each other. We stayed together even tho we had problems, she kept forgiving me for the things I did to her. I said I was sorry over a thousand times. But it was easier for us to stay together than for us to hurt because we wasn't together. She tried to leave me after I told her that I didn't know if I loved her, because I didn't know what love was. The next day she had a boyfriend and I went there, where they were. I walked in and told her to get up and lets go. She got up and left with me. She knew I loved her, she was testing me. But everything went down the drain after that. I felt like she didn't want to be with me. I thought she got back with me so I wouldn't hurt. She never acted like she wanted me, or touch me like a woman should touch a man. It was always me touching and kissing her. I guess I did it to much (so she says now). This made me want other women that would want to be with me. So, yes I fucked up and cheated like a punk ass little bitch. Did this with over 30 different women. Until we was together for almost 6yrs and she told me, "Babe, I'm going to have your child". Then it hit me, I had to stop what I was doing and start showing that I cared. But everyday that passed I wanted to tell her what I did to her, that I was shelfish and I cheated. I knew this would hurt her, so I didn't. We had the baby, my son Austin James. Stayed together for another 2yrs. So yes we was together for 8 long fucking years. One night she didn't come home until 4am. I knew what she did, and I blew up on her (never hit the woman) but yelled and yelled. She stayed up at the hotel that she was working at, with this guy that worked 3rd shift. My son was at his grandmothers that morning. She told me she was "done" and was going to leave me. I walked in the bedroom got my shotgun, laid it on the bed. Started to go through the drawer where I kept the shells. They were gone! She moved them because I told her long time ago if something ever happen to us and we was apart I was going to kill myself. She knew I was going to find them because of the way I was looking through the room. She called 911, and she saved my life. Now it has been a year and a month since we broke up. She has been using my son as a tool to get what she wants from me. Keeping me on her level, and making me hurt everyday that goes by without them being in my life, or having my family that I have always wanted. We have a love hate friendship or whatever you want to call it. She thinks she owns my freedom because she knows how I still feel about her. I love my son with all my heart, but I'm tired of crying everyday because I can't be there for him when he needs me. I can't fucking get over this bitch for some reason, I don't want to beacuse I think I'm afraid she will fall in love with another loser. She has me on the way that I want to just give up on my son and move on with my life. I know this is the wrong way to do things, but I can't keep going on everyday hurting. I will know more when the day comes August 31, 2006. Other than all that shit I'm a cool person to be around with and to party with. I like making people laugh and tell jokes. I love reading and learning new things about life. I love my music, keeps me strong sometimes, unless it has to do with getting back with your baby or your girl....you know what I'm talking about. More about me........<> My dick does not make me a man, my heart makes me a man. And if it is to be it is up to me......... < I go by that and it helps me make the right choices. I'm looking for that special person that can look me in my eyes and can tell me they want to spend the rest of their life with me. Also can show me the love that I need. And can understand that love has its up and downs. I can be a freak in the sheets, I like to do it all! I keep my shoes white and my teeth white. There is more about me, but if you want to know you can hit me up on AIM or AOL @ Utalkn2MeY (sn) <<<<< or I have a myspace page LOL, http://www.myspace.com/jamescute1982 hit me up if you think you can handle this! LATE LilJ