insanecatlady's blog: "DO YOU THINK"

I had to have my dog put to sleep He was best best friend my companion my boy I will miss him so much a gentler soul you could not find go in peace my friend till we meet again Please remember i love you

My results Category: Life My results were better than i expected i dont have cancer thank fuck excuse the french lol but i do have an under active thyroid which can be kept under control with tablets i have raised thingys that say i have inflamtion which i knew anyway but that was neither here nor there all in all im not very well. I knew that too but at least now i have something on paper that says it. At long last now maybe i will get someone to listen to me which is the worst of my trouble unless you have something on paper no one seems to want to listen they told me to stop looking for answers well if i had my health would have gotten worse and things would have been allot worse. This still doesnt answer whats wrong with my back but it tells me why all my joints hurt i suppose miracles will not come this way but ANSWERS I WILL HAVE im not giving in or giving up Im just gonna see how much this new lot of medication helps before i start yelling again and maybe i can find out some more The question right now is why did I have to yell in the first place How many people that are not as stubborn as i am, are living in silant suffering because the doctors either do not care or are just to swamped to hear their calls of pain It seems to me these days unless you scream shout swear and hop up and down you get nothing and no were in life. This to me seems so unfair not everyone will swear or is as stobbourn as me who is their voice when do they get heard. I know more than most life aint fair but fuck mine surely things dont have to be so bad that unless you are a bad ass or a nearly dead person no one takes a blind bit of notice is this what we want for our next generation or for our grandchildren to teach them to be bad asses mean and dangerous or they will get nothing in life is this really the way things have to be It sure seems that way to me

I'm sorry i havent been in contact lately but ive not been feeling well at all and Friday was not a good day either Ive just had some more blood tests the results came in on Friday my doc rings me up and says i need to see you asap as your thyroid is showing to be very wonky her words not mine I have an appointment on Monday. The last time I got a call like this i had canser as you can guess i am scared to death and not very happy. I wish all of you the best of health and i will let you all know the results as soon as i have them. Please keep your fingers crossed for me

I WONT LAY DOWN AND DIE Category: Life Ive just been to the hospital again and guess what? yep you got it no fucking answers,more there is nothing we can do this time i got told to stop looking for answers. WELL FUCK NOOOOOOO i wont stop, i wont lay down and die, i will not except that there is nothing that can be done and i will not give in. To except there is nothing they can do is to LAY DOWN AND DIE this i can not WILL NOT do there has to be A FUCKING ANSWER. I've been getting worse for over ten years and im still getting worse the pain is now starting to spread through out my body WHY? My head aches are getting worse WHY? My speech is getting more and more slurred and words are some times difficult to remember WHY? My balance is now very bad WHY? When my head gets bad or i get sever pain i also get bad tremors in my hands WHY? Some days all i want to do is sleep others i cant sleep WHY? WHY is the pain worse when it rains or the weather is bad? How come i can tell we are up for bad weather before the weather man? WHY were things allowed to get this bad? WHY have i not been allowed an M>R>I? WHY AM I NOT GETTING THE HELP I SO DESPERATELY NEED? HOW does everyone know my condition is inoprable when they cant tell me exactly whats wrong? I WANT ANSWERS I WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY WHATS HURTING AND WHY? I WILL NOT GIVE UP I WILL NOT JUST EXCEPT MY CONDITION I WILL NOT LAY THE FUCK DOWN AND DIE I DO NOT DESERVE THIS I may have done some bad things. I may have made some very bad decisions but surely this does not mean that i have to live the rest of my life in complete agony chained to the house by my own body held prisoner by the pain its not fair and it aint right, I want answers, I'm not gonna give in, I'm not gonna shut up, I WILL NOT LAY DOWN AND DIE

DO YOU THINK I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS Current mood: crappy Category: ANOUYED AND FED UP Life YOU, YES YOU YOU THAT WORKS AT THE PHARMASY YOU THAT WORKS IN THE OFFICE AT THE DOCTORS DO YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME ? DO YOU THINK I'M DOING THIS JUST TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A LITTLE DIFFICULT ? TO MAKE YOUR JOB HARDER ? ITS A FUCKING JOB YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IT YOU DONT HAVE TO WAKE UP EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE IN PAIN YOU DONT DREAD WAKING UP I LIVE THIS LIFE DO YOU THINK I CHOOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ? EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE IN SEVEAR PAIN DREADING ANOTHER DAY KNOWING AS SOON AS I TRY TO MOVE ITS GONNA FUCKING HURT KNOWING I CANT EVEN DO THE BASICS SOME DAYS FEELING SICK COS OF THE PAINKILLERS MY STOMACH IN BITS CANT EVEN REMEMBER MUCH THESE DAYS COS OF THESE FUCKING PAINKILLERS WITHOUT THE PAINRELIFE UNABLE TO GET OUT OF MY BED DO YOU REALLY THINK I WANT THIS ? I DONT HAVE A MEAL SOME DAYS COS I CANT PUT STUFF IN THE OVEN I DONT GO OUT ANYMORE COS I'M AFRAID OF FALLING OVER WHEN I HAVE TO GET MY MEDS THE WALK IS SO PAINFUL IM NORMALY IN TEARS BY THE TIME I GET HOME, MY BACK PULSES WITH PAIN MAKING IT HARD TO MOVE AT ALL, MY LEGS SWOLLEN AND PAINFUL MY NECK RIGID AND STIFF FROM THE STRAIN OF TRYING TO KEEP MY BALANCE, BUT ALSO THE PAIN I SUFFER THERE ANY WAY DO YOU REALLY THINK I CHOOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS ? I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THE BATH FOR OVER AN HOUR COS I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN I COULDNT GET UP TO GET MYSELF OUT IVE CRAWLED ON HANDS AND KNEES TO THE TOILET SCREAMING IN PAIN IVE SLEPT ON THE SOFA COS I COULDNT MAKE THE STAIRS IVE STAYED IN THE SAME CLOTHES FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS COS ITS BEEN TO FUCKING PAINFULL TO CHANGE DO YOU REALLY THINK I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS! THEN THE NEXT TIME A PATIANT ASKS FOR THIER MEDS DONT GIVE THEM ATTITUDE DONT TELL THEM IT WILL BE READY TOMORROW WHEN YOU KNOW IT WONT RING THEM WHEN YOUR SUPPOSED TO WE ARE NOT ALL TIME WAISTING JUNKIES WE ARE NOT ALL BLAGGING TO STAY OFF WORK WE DONT CHOOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!

Well I'm feeling well chuffed with myself. At 1.30am this morn i was chasing my cat down the road cos he had a baby bird in his mouth. I didnt have a lot on just thong and t-shirt lmao anyone watching would have got a nasty surprise. Anyway managed after a couple of rude shouts and quick sweeps to the floor to get this squawking bird off my cat. Dusty was not happy lol. Got the bird indoors, it was frightened and injured, losing a small amount of blood. It was still quite feisty which i used to get some water in the creature knowing it would get dehydrated from shock. I placed the poor unfortunate creature in the only box available (My friends stella is now sat on the side lol) I put a terry towling sheet in the box with a small bowl of water and placed the box in the spare room window slightly open, cos my cats can get in the rooms using the back wall, with the door shut. All night long I dreamt about getting help in the dream it was difficult on waking i didnt find it that easy. I did expect to find the babybird dead when i woke, but to my pleasant surprise it was alive and not happy about being in the box. I brought the box down stairs and was gonna give him some more water but instead thinking mum wouldnt give him water, mum would feed him i gave him some cat meat. I found out this was a good thing to give him. Which he took and chirped for more so i gave it to him. The little bird went quiet for a while so i left him alone. Got a phone call from the RSPCA to say she was on her way just as baby started to chirp again this time i went looking for worms i managed to find a couple, Which were also taken with gusto. It was well sweet feeding this little fella and I enjoyed taking care of him, shame it came to me injured I know not to take a bird that is not injured from the wild that is not fair, the only reason i stepped in was cos the cat had it and was doing what cats do. I had a tweety RSPCA took my tweety (BUT I KNOW HES DOING WELL) Miss my tweety Heres a picture of my tweety

hello to all my friends sorry I havent been around for a while Ive been unwell nothing to serious. But it does mean that im not on line for a while. Ive been getting raging migraines which lay me up, they have been getting worse and more frequent. So I'm sorry if I havent gotten back to you but ive not been here. Thanks for all the lovely comments that have been left on my page I will try to get back to you when i can. Love to all and wishing you all happyness and well being

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