I have been a professiona;l mobile DJ for almost 19 years.

I love Steelers football. I bleed black and gold.

I have a 14 year old son that means everything to me.

I don't take shit from anyone, so don't bother throwing it my way!

If you are too stupid or redneck to carry on a decent conversation, (See Crystal, MI definition below) call fucking Jerry Springer! I am completely over indecisive drunken Rednecks! Shit or get off the pot. Or should I say, "Shit or get out that there outhouse, y'all!"

If you want to get to know me, just ask! I am very honest.

I love meeting new people, so drop me a line! I will be glad to talk to you.

Oh...One more thing...If you happen to know my ex-wife, RUN! Stop, no, and don't! Trust me, it's for your own good! "Wife was like a box of chocolates...You never knew what you were gonna get!"


Crystal, MI-noun. A place where beer is drank more often than water or milk, work is paid by the job, not by the hour (and doesn't necessarily have to be paid in cash), and rednecks are content with doing "favors" for people that never return them.

Money in Crystal is spent in the following order:

1) Beer.

2) Gas for the boat.

3) More beer. (cuz they ran out)

4) A trip to the casino.

5) More beer. (cuz you can't bring your tall boy into the casino)

6) A double cheeseburger at McDonald's. (cuz you lost your entire paycheck at the casino and can't even afford Big Boy now)

7) One more tall boy. (cuz now you're pissed off and depressed that you lost your beer money for the rest of the week at the casino)

8) Shit. There is no more money. How we gonna eat?

***Disclaimer*** (This definition wasn't found in Webster's, but it's just as fucking accurate! Any and all information used in this definition is true to the best of my knowledge, and was either gathered strictly from experience or gained from first hand observation.)

CRYSTAL, MI...

"Its a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to LIVE here!" C. Myers