Bear's blog: "Divorce"

Dear Husband, >>>> I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've >>> been a good woman for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. >>> These >>> last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had >>> quit your job today and that was the last straw. >>>> Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair >>>> and >>> nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new >>> negligee. >>>> You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after >>> watching the game. You don't tell me that you love me anymore, you don't >>> touch me or anything. >>>> Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, what ever >>>> the >>> case is, I'm gone. >>>> P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving >>> away to West Virginia together! Have a great life! >>>> Your EX-Wife >>>> * * * * * * * * * >>> >>> Dear Ex-Wife: >>>> Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that >>> you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a >>> far >>> cry away from what you've been. >>>> I watch sports so much trying to drown out your Constant nagging. Too >>>> bad >>> that doesn't work. >>>> I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week; the first >>>> thing >>> that came to mind was, "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me >>> to >>> not say anything if you can't say anything nice. >>>> When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with >>> MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. >>>> I went to sleep when you had on that new negligee because the price tag >>> was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had >>> just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was >>> $49.99. >>>> After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it >>>> out. >>> So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I >>> quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home >>> you >>> were gone. >>>> Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling >>> life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, >>> you >>> won't get a dime from me. So take care. >>>> Signed Rich As Hell and Free! Your Ex-Husband >>>> P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this........ but Carl, my brother, >>> was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.