Well, I should be asleep right now but I can't sleep. I was reading earlier.......I know.....what a suprise...lol.....but anyways, and I read something that hit me and stuck with me and I guesss I'm just doing this blog to get my thoughts in order. I have found that writting these sometimes helps. I'm not too sure if I want people to be able to read these but I'm kindda curious about what people will say about this...if anything. And since I am a "kat"....lol.....curiosity kills and only satisfaction will bring me back. So, on that not lemme get back to point. In the boo that I am reading the phrase that hit me was something like this....... "It's better to have loved for ten days, than living your live and not loving at all." Now if you haven't noticed it sounds close to the popular... "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...." I guess it would all depend on who you talk to about that. I for one am not too sure. Yes I have loved.....and still do...which is part of my delemia i guess. Some people my say that that saying is SO very true....and I would have to agree with them. The feeling you feel when you are with the one that you love is nothing else in this world. You feel like you can do anything. You feel whole....complete. Like there is nothin missing in your life........not I'm not saying that you don't wish that you don't want to change anything but....you feel happy and....well.....complete. It's hard to explain. It's like when you are with that person you feel appreciated, happy....even tho sometimes they may make you mad(happens in any kind of relationship)...excited, scared even...and the things you do together or for each other bring joy and happiness to both of you....even if you are doing something for the other person and they not for you....you still feel the happiness and joy while they feel it..... It's weird and very difficult to explain.
But on the flip side of the coin, there are those people that would say that that saying is not true...and again...I can say that I can agree with them aswell. Now I'm not saying that this interpretation is how I feel...I'm just saying I know where they are comming from. If you love someone you give them your all.....heart, mind, body and soul......well may give is too strong a word....how bout you bond all those things with them. You create a bond of love that connects all those things to this one person. And if you have loved and lost...then you know the pain at having that bond severed. It hurts......and BAD!!! Sometimes you wonder it the pain will ever go away. You wonder if it will consume you and you never know happiness again. I say these things from personal experience. Now mind I don't have LOTS of experience with this but I have felt the effects. I speak only with the knowledge that I have gained through personal events and....I know I've used this word alot but......experiences.
That phrase is a double edged sword. To one it has a profound meaning....to another it reminds them of what is lost and can resurface somethings that they didn't want to feel again. Again...I say all this out of my own opinion. Like I said before...one of the main reasons for writting this is to help me orgaixe my thoughts...this blog prob won't even last long on here...truth be told...lol. I guess that I would have to lean more towards the optimistic point of view. I don't think I would even want to live this life without the feeling of loving someone and feeling your love returned. It is the best feeling in this world.....I sometimes feel that it is the best feeling in ANY life...be it this life..a past life (if you believe in that)...and the afterlife (again if you believe in that). I also feel that it can also hurt you as well as heal you.... Let me give you an example. This young man is in love with a woman. (I know...your thinking typical right? Well, just read and let the story unfold.) He sees her and spends time with her when he can. When he is with her he feels like he is complete...as I have said above. And when she leaves him.......he feels like a peice of him leaves with her. He wants the complete feeling to stay with him always. He feels that this woman feels the same about him....at least to a certain extent. (Yes I'm telling for the man point of view cause...well....I'm a guy...lol.) Everytime they spend time together, talk or whatever and they part he wants to tell her that he loves her....with all his heart. He wants to tell her...and part...well a LOT of him wants to hear her say the same.....but he doesn't. Here is where the double edged sword comes into play... He has loved in the past and expressed it. Giving all he has into the relationship. And he has felt the pain of that relationship end. It has happened more than once. But even still he loves this woman as fiercely as ever. But the reminder of the past pain holds words, that should never be held back, at bay. He says them to himself......which helps a little...but it is not the same. That same love that makes him feel so alive...and wanted to strive for better things...if only so that he can provide for this woman....is also draining him. Makes him feel worn out. Having to hold it in cause of the fear that if he says it again....will it end up as before. Some will think that if he loves her so then he should tell her....well that is true. He should tell her. But also look at it this way, he is trying to protect himself. He doesn't KNOW if she feels the same...or even if she did what their future has in store. I feel that some would say he needs to suck it up and take the chance...lol. I wouldn't be able to disagree...I've done it and it is a WONDERFUL feeling. I do believe that everyone should strive for that feeling. But again....I know both sides of the sword. I know that if there isn't a real future for those two then is it worth telling her. Is voicing his feelings for her worth the risk of losing that ancient battle? If he does tell her...Will the future of their relationship maintain all the joy and happiness that is felt?.....and is the relationship like that what they are both striving to achieve?
Well, I really really do need to go to bed. I think I have ordered my thoughts pretty good for now....lol. And to those who have struggled through...and for some odd reason finished reading this....I thank you for the time you have spent. I'm not too sure what you may be thinking but I won't be offended with any thoughts or criticizism you may have....in fact I would like to hear them. Well, it's daylight now and I have to be at work in less than 7 hours. Hope you have a great day/night. And thank you again for listening to the ramblings of the twisted mind that is me. :)~
