Can't Win For Losing I cannot think of one thing that I ever regretted doing until now. I regret that I hurt my friend. I regret how I handled that entire situation. I knew how my friend felt about me. I cannot sit here and say I did not have a clue. I regret that I hurt a really good friend. In spite of myself, I am now by myself. Because he was just that to me: a friend. The one thing I truly needed more than all else. And yet I hurt him because of my preferences of what I wanted in a man, a mate and not what I needed in a friend. I lost a good friend. I wanted a kind, gentle, loving man. A man who would respect me to no end, a man who would make love to my mind, my body, my soul internally. A man that could share every part of himself with me, as himself. A man who was not solely interested in my body, but who I am as a person. A man who I am not only attracted to in regard to appearance but encompassing his mind and the way he thinks. With the exception of the last statement, I had that in my now lost friend. I had that very man in my life. This has made me look at myself, to ask myself, "What do I actually want"? Am I asking for too much? I feel bad because I hurt someone that I know to be a good man. The only thing is that he was a good man I was not physically attracted to. This is one of the many things (speaking for myself) that I feel many single sistas battle constantly. If we lowered our standards and "settle" for what we want in a mate, would we be happy? Probably not. Because we’d know that somewhere down the line, we would end up being unfaithful, falling for a sexy smile and a nice body, not realizing that that same smile would one day wither. I regret that I hurt my friend. I have no regrets for my preferences in men. There has to be an initial attraction for any possible relationship. I am sure men have their preferences also. However, I feel the difference between some men and women is that some women tend to feel bad about preferences. We are attracted to the person on the inside, but are not to the person on the outside. And we feel hypocritical for maintaining a standard we ourselves hate. Why the regret? It is because I hurt my friend and I prided myself on thinking that I was beyond being vain? I honestly thought I believed that a person’s looks did not matter to me. I was wrong. It leaves me wondering if it’s all worth it, these preferences we have. I choose to believe so. I truly believe that the mate I am in search of is out there, and one day our paths will cross
