....how love sucks ...
First of all, yes, love does suck, at times ... but what makes it wonderful, fulfilling, forever?
I do not know the answer to this haunting question.
Since my divorce, I have met both men and women who are cold and hard-hearted. They use ppl for sex, companionship ... then just say goodbye as though nothing ever happened.
I too almost became one of these ppl ... at times, I can see why they do this ... as I too have been hurt deeply.
But I have a problem, I was not raised that way ... I was raised by awesome, real southern women who cherished family, God and country. They taught me to respect others, to love without fear, to have a heart that never closed to anyone.
After my first dating experienced as a divorced woman, in which he said he loved me and wanted to grow old with me, when it ended, I too felt cold and hard of heart ... I believed all men were going to be this way ... that they would use me, and then toss me to the curb ...
It burns within ur heart, u question what u did wrong, it stays on ur mind 24/7, u feel rejected, used, lonely, afraid,confused, sad, betrayed, every emotion ... u feel deep with you.
So I ponder this question ... why have people come to the point of abusing the emotion of love ... have we really become a society of heartless, cold men/women haters? What happened to "I love you" as being precious and sacred? What are teaching our children? They are saying, "no, I dont want kids", "no, I dont want to get married", "if you "love" me, you will", "I dont believe in love".
How did we get to this point, is it a point of no return? What does it say about family, honor, pride, respect? What does it say to future generations about us?
How did we loose the true meaning of love? Some will say, hurt, society, movies, songs, all kinds of excuses ... but it comes from deep within ourselves, the part of our hearts we are afraid to explore, to open up and try one more time.
I have been thinking about this for some time now. I have questioned myself, my heart and other's intentions. The things I once believed in, are now just faded memories of another time and place.
How do we get back to where we once felt with deep passions and hope ... how do we revive something that died within us? Can we, will we?
As for me, I refuse to give up, I refuse to believe that love is just a word, I know it is so much more. It is a gift, precious and worth fighting for.
Remember the last time you really felt love ... the feelings of being in love, the newness, the warmth, the pride, the awesomeness of it ...
Do we really want to give that up?
I don't ... thats where hope comes in, when it's seems that love has faded from our heart, hope brings it back to light.
I'm not sure when, how, where, or who will show me this love again ... but I have to hope, I have keep my heart from becoming dark and cold ... even if thats means pain along the way, the day it happens again, it will have been worth it all ...
