BillSeigor's blog: "BlogStuff"

Listen up, ladies! Men love it when you: 1. Have the ability to tease, be playful and take a joke 2. Know that men are not, in fact, from Mars, and women are not from Venus 3. Wear our T-shirts and boxers 4. Call us out of the blue (if we're dating; not if we're practically strangers) 5. Kiss creatively 6. Have a social conscience and enjoy a good debate 7. Have an easy-going attitude about watching or participating in athletic events occasionally 8. Are comfortable leading the whole way in bed 9. Ask for advice about non-stereotypically male stuff (yes, guys usually know what CD player to buy, but we like to be taken seriously about other things too) 10. Are charming and thoughtful to his mother 11. Can hold up your hair using only a pencil 12. Are sexy and smart at the same time -- for example, you do the Sunday crossword wearing a pair of flirty pajamas 13. Have the ability to remind us what gifts you like, without implying an obligation 14. Have a spirit of independence, but one that doesn't make the man in your life feel unnecessary 15. Know the difference between flirting and just ''being friendly'' 16. Eat a big meal and fearlessly order dessert 17. Take naps next to us 18. Send us flowers (believe it or not, men like getting flowers, too!) 19. Know what you want 20. Know what you want to do

GIRLS vs. GROWN WOMEN GIRLS leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans. GROWN WOMEN make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in. GIRLS want to control the man in their life. GROWN WOMEN know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling. GIRLS check a man for not calling them. GROWN WOMEN are too busy to realize you hadn't. GIRLS try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex. GROWN WOMEN know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'lock' you down. GIRLS fake, moan, lie there and take the stabbing. GROWN WOMEN say, "Just stop", get up, get dressed and walk out. GIRLS are afraid to be alone. GROWN WOMEN revel in it-- using it as a time for personal growth. GIRLS ignore the good guys. GROWN WOMEN ignore the bad guys. GIRLS make you come. GROWN WOMEN make you come home. GIRLS worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man. GROWN WOMEN know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man. GIRLS try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends). GROWN WOMEN realize that a lil' bit of space makes the "together time" even more special -- and goes to kick it with her own friends! GIRLS feel that a man's tears is a sign of weakness. GROWN WOMEN offer their shoulder. GIRLS get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it. GROWN WOMEN know that that was just one man. GIRLS fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all 'signs'. GROWN WOMEN know that sometimes the one you love may not love you back and will move on, WITHOUT BITTERNESS! GIRLS will read this and get an attitude. GROWN WOMEN will read this and pray that our Daughters, Neices, Sisters and younger Sister-friends will just keep living and learning!

CATCHING PIGS THIS IS TRULY THOUGHT PROVOKING. TAKE THE TIME TO READ IT AND SEND IT ON TO THOSE THAT YOU THINK ARE WORTH SENDING TO, AS I HAVE DONE. There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the prof noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime. In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?" The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side.. The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity." The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America The government keeps pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax cuts, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, free health care (Obama/ Hillary), payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc.. While we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time. One should always remember two truths: There is no such thing as a free lunch and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself. If you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America , you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this email. But God help you when the gate slams shut!

Your Social Security Just in case some of you young whippersnappers (& some older ones) didn't know this. It's easy to check out, if you don't believe it. Be sure and show it to your kids. They need a little history lesson on what's what and it doesn't matter whether you are Democrat or Republican. Facts are Facts!!! Our Social Security... Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised: 1.) That participation in the Program would be Completely voluntary, 2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual Incomes into the Program, 3.) That the money the participants elected to put Into the Program would be deductible from Their income for tax purposes each year, 4.) That the money the participants put into the Independent "Trust Fund" rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would Only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and, 5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees Would never be taxed as income. Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are Now receiving a Social Security check every month -- And then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of The money we paid to the Federal government to "put Away" -- you may be interested in the following: ------- ----------------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the Independent "Trust Fund" and put it into the General fund so that Congress could spend it? A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically Controlled House and Senate. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax Deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding? A: The Democratic Party. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities? A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the "tie- breaking" deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US ------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving Annuity payments to immigrants? AND MY FAVORITE: A: That's right! Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party. Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, Began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, Even though they never paid a dime into it! ------------------------------------------------------------ ---------- Then, after violating the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away! And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it! If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of Awareness will be planted and maybe changes will Evolve. Maybe not, some Democrats are awfully Sure of what isn't so. But it's worth a try. How many people can YOU send this to? Actions speak louder than bumper stickers. AND CONGRESS GIVES THEMSELVES 100% RETIREMENT FOR ONLY SERVING ONE TERM!!! "A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have." -Thomas Jefferson

I often hear people talk about "control freaks", "controllers", and "manipulators". Isn't trying not to be controlled a type of control? Controlling is for the most part a learned behavior unless there are biological factors involved. I believe all of us try to maintain a certain level of control over different areas of our life's. Indeed some people are more extreme than others. Individuals are only half of any interaction so how can we accuse the other person of being the controller? Where do you fit in on a scale of 0 - 10? I found this interesting scale to help find how out of control a person may or may not be. 0. No anger, no need to control anything. Doormat. Not socially nor occupationally functional. Probably lots of "insecurity" going on here too, maybe fear. Possible history of abuse with no clue on how to be assertive. Very good partner of choice for Level 9 in a totally dependent relationship, until he/she either gets treatment by external referral or finally asks for help. 1. Very mild irritation at appropriate situations, no interest in resolving the problem with the irritant. Passive. Issue of whether this is pathological is subjective with individual. If confronted, will accept all blame. May include some untreated mentally ill persons. 2. Able to verbalize anger and able to sometimes identify the source. Some interest sometimes in resolving some irritations. Will get up if sitting on a tack, for instance. 3. Mixed ability to identify irritation, anger, pain, and their sources. Family history of not much talk on these issues, or low educational level, cultural deprivation, learned cultural expectations, or slower intellectual level. 4. Coming closer to the norm, will sometimes disagree about "fault" issues, may engage in arguments if their own perception is sufficiently formulated, may seek out others to agree with perceived issues, will often want resolution of arguments. 5. Aha--wherein lies the mysterious norm? We'll all disagree depending on where we each fall, but generally needing to feel more than a sense of chaos, "luck" and "others" as controlling one's life. Has some curiosity to seek out root causes of pain and to identify and distance oneself from them or change them. Open to therapeutic intervention if pain is sufficient. Able to ask for help as well as to verbalize the nature of the pain and probably its source. Ideally, with coaching, may learn negotiation skills. 6. Increasingly able to conceptualize "fault" as lying outside oneself. Not above name-calling, potshots, or occasional denial. More vocal in identifying pain, asking for support, and asking for help. At the higher end of "normal" hormonal levels. May still be subject to successful outside negotiation or able to self-help. 7. Irritable enough to seek various crutches for anger-decreasing, such as alcohol, tobacco, vicarious violence in movies, etc. May pick verbal arguments, less able to see own faults, less subject to suggestion of needing to change oneself, less aware of feelings & motives of others. Will figuratively climb over others to get his/her way to the perceived top of the heap. Considered "aggressive" or "competitive" by others. Hyperactive energy level. May supplement normal hormonal levels by exercise or injection. Ideal soldier, may be ideal athlete according to some values. Low capability of building deep interpersonal relationships. Seeks passive partner(s). 8. "Sixteen Tons" mentality: "If ya see me comin,' better step aside." Prone to physical fighting, rarely sees own faults or agrees to negotiate unless outnumbered or out-sized. Still may be partially functional, most likely in manual jobs. Need to rule out possibility of existing real physical pain at this point. May have social history of warring ethnic clashes or gang participation. Probably low verbal skills, and lessening mental sharpness is likely. Only able to ask for physical help, only able to see physical irritants, as opposed to situational stressors. Will accept short, directive, authoritative, concrete orders. May include persons with advanced Alzheimer's disease. Sometimes seen as heroic by small boys or inebriate women. Often comprises prison population. 9. Borderline functional, usually not around others unless in packs or gangs where a set pecking order is already established. Almost totally unable to consider the possibility of own "faults," needs to be Right and needs to be In Control. Does not include military operatives nor certain others trained to function occupationally in this manner. 10. Not socially nor occupationally functional. May have severe-level biochemical disorder or history of severe or multiple head trauma. Capable of accepting treatment or making accommodation in some cases, but usually relates to others by screaming. Has no tolerance for opinions outside his or her own, but may still be able to formulate own arguments verbally. May be recent victim of combat-level trauma. May have a social history or ongoing severe physical abuse. Needs either institutionalization or immediate treatment or isolation to prevent harm to others. Barb Williams Clinical Psychologist

This is probably long overdue for me but several things have happened in my personal life over the past few years and issues with validation and invalidation keep surfacing around me. I watch so many people trample over other's personal boundaries that it makes me cringe everytime. It took me many years before someone actually explained this concept to me but it became so clear to me that this is a major issue in our culture. I personally suffered from this ailment for the majority of my life and made it a priority to change once I understood the way I viewed other people's feelings along with my own. I think it's sad that in our society others often feel the need to try to put us down and make us feel inadequate, inferior, and insignificant. For most of us, our feelings are continually belittled, negated, judged, rejected or ignored on a daily basis. I believe all of this is a form of invalidation. Invalidation goes beyond mere rejection by implying that our feelings are disapproved of, and that we are fundamentally abnormal. Implying that there is something wrong with us because we aren't like everyone else; we are strange; we are different; we are weird. None of this feels good, and all of it damages us. The more different we are, the more we are invalidated. When we are invalidated by having our feelings repudiated, we are attacked at the deepest level possible, since our feelings are the innermost expression of our individual identities. Telling someone they shouldn't feel the way they do is like telling water it shouldn't be wet, the sky should not be blue, grass shouldn't be green, and rocks they shouldn't be hard! Each person's feelings are real. Whether or not someone likes or understands your feelings, they are still very real to you. If someone doesn't like your feelings, I don't think they like reality. Those who try to tell you not to feel what you do are being unrealistic, as well as controlling. Have you ever been invalidated in any of the following ways? Being told you shouldn't feel the way you feel. Being dictated to not feeling the way you feel. Being told you are too sensitive. Being ignored. Being judged. Being led to believe there is something wrong with you for feeling how you feel. Those who invalidate you simply do not respect you for who you are. They would prefer you felt differently. Sometimes they demand it. Those who disrespect you and your feelings have a tendency to trespass the boundaries which protect your sense of self. When our boundaries are trespassed we feel used, violated, and insignificant. If they are in a position of power or authority over us, such as a boss, a parent or even a partner, the effect is multiplied. I believe there are many forms of invalidation. Most of them are so insidious that we don't even know what is happening. We know something doesn't feel good, but we can't put our finger on it. We have been conditioned since childhood to think that invalidation is "normal." It appears to be extremely common, but it is certainly not healthy. Here are some examples that I could think of. Attempting to talk you out of your feelings: Smile. Cheer up. Lighten up. Just get over it. Stop whining. Deal with it. Enough already. Give it a rest. Forget about it. Stop complaining. Don't look so grim. Put on a happy face. Quit your belly-aching. Don't make such a big deal out of it. Don't make a federal case out of it. Minimizing your feelings: I was only kidding. It wasn't as bad as you thought. It really wasn't as bad as you make it sound. You must be kidding. You can't be serious. You are making a big deal out of nothing. You are blowing this way out of proportion. You are making a mountain out of a molehill. Judging & Labeling you: You're a cry baby. You have a problem. You are too sensitive. You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned. You are way too emotional. You insensitive jerk. You are totally out of control. You need to get your head examined! Trying to turn things around What is your problem? What's wrong with you? What's the matter with you? Why can't you just get over it? Why can't you just let it go? Why do you always have to .... ? Is that all you do is complain? Why are you making such a big deal over it? What's wrong with you, can't you take a joke? How can you let a little thing like that bother you? Telling you how you "should" feel or act: You should be excited. You should be thrilled. You should feel guilty. You should be ashamed of yourself. You should feel thankful that... You should be happy that .... You should be glad that ... You should just drop it. You shouldn't worry so much. You shouldn't let it bother you. You should just forget about it. You shouldn't wear your heart out on your sleeve. Even when we're happy, unhappy people want to ruin it for us by saying diminishing things like: What are you so happy about? That's it? That's what you are so excited about? And, if the above wasn't enough to make your head spin, there is always mockery and sarcasm: Oh, you poor thing. I am such a mean person. I suppose you think you are the only one with problems. When I became more aware of this process, I started noticing more invalidating comments day in and day out. Such comments take their toll on us. They literally beat us down. I often began to wonder if something was wrong with me and it started to undermine my self-confidence because I started doubting myself. Obviously this wasn't good for my self-esteem. Being aware of the various forms of invalidation helps us in these ways: 1. You can monitor the way various people treat you. 2. You will be less likely to invalidate others. 3. You will be more able to protect yourself from its damage Validation The opposite of invalidation is, of course, validation. Validation is extremely nurturing. When we are validated we feel accepted and approved of just the way we are. Validation creates safety and builds trust. Validation includes: Acceptance without passing judgment. Acknowledgment. Respect for feelings. Empathy. Understanding. Compassion. Non-judgmental listening Validation is acceptance without passing judgment. It is to empathize and show understanding and compassion. Simple statements show acceptance and validation. I hear you. I can relate. I know what you mean. I would feel the same way. I can understand how you feel. I can see you are really upset. I can tell this is really important to you. When someone validates us, we receive what we all yearn for: Acceptance, understanding, and a sense of connection. For those that I have invalidated in the past - I want to sincerely apologize.

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right ... left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. This is why a new holiday has been created. March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day.' Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show your man just how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town the name of the holiday explains it all...just a steak, a Blow Job & shut your mouth for the rest of the day! That's it! This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Blow job & Shut the Fuck Up Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine. The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So spread the word, and help bring love and peace to this crazy world.

Thoughts to Ponder... *I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. And tomorrow isn't looking good either. *I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. *Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. *Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places. *Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?!" *Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will show you a man who can't get his pants off! *We have a strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful, or should that be I'm strange and you're wonderful? *Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid doing altogether. *If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? *It's gonna be like threading a needle with a haystack. *The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. *Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know? *Not one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. *The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. *I put the "fun" in dysfunctional. *Life is like a box of chocolates. It's full of nuts. *All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the Queen. *Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen? *I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines. *Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me. *Does vacuuming count as Aerobic Exercise? *I have not yet begun to procrastinate. *I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. *I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. *Just remember, no matter where you go, there you are. -- *It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission. *There are two rules for ultimate success in life. 1. Never tell everything you know. *Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you................ *I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. *When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am? *Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. *Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. *Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. *The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. *Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will Whiz on your computer. *Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car

Some things we should believe in - . . I believe - . . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I believe -. . . that either you control your attitude or it controls you. I believe -. . . that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I believe -. . . that money is a lousy way of keeping score. I believe -. . . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I believe -. . . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I believe -. . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I believe -. . . that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I believe -. . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I believe -. . . that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I believe -. . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I believe -. . . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I believe -. . . two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe -. . . that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe -. . . that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help. I believe -. . . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I believe -. . . that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

Universal guy truths that all women should understand. 1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong. 2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes. 3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated. 4. If you think I’m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car. 5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get.(AfreakingMAN!!!!) 6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity. 7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once. 8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter. 9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker. 10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they’re your best sign that I’m not a whack job. 11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier. 12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty. 13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously. 14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down. 15. I don't ask for directions because I’m just happy to be driving. Anywhere. 16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it. 17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to sex. 18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that? 19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm. 20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too. 21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don’t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway. 22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence. 23. You’re really bad at faking it. 24. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you’re late. 25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late. 26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly. 27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off. 28. Unless we're meeting my parents. 29. When you call us at work "just to chat," we're not really listening; we're checking our e-mail. 30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter. 31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game. 32. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit." 33. We love ponytails. 34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience. 35. The first time? We're as nervous as you are. 36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public. 37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around. 38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal. 39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection. 40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason. 41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words "naked" and "waiting." 42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks. 43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy. 44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love. 45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder. 46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while. 47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too. 48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?" 49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news. 50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does