So, have you ever had one of those days when you really just wanted everyone to leave you the hell alone?? Well today was one of those days for me, I just didn't really want to talk to anyone...for not reason in partiular, I just didn't feel like engaging in some bull shit conversation that wasn't really going to benefit me at the time. I feel like nothing went my way tonight... nothing at all. I feel like I'm in over my head for some reason. I hate this feeling, I thought I got over this when I was 16, apparently I was wrong. For all of you that don't know I used to have really bad panic attacks when I was in high school, my family and my doctor blames my exboyfriend...I blame him too. lol. Anyway they started when I was a sophomore in high school and didn't stop for 2 years. Well, I've gone over 2 years with out having a serious panic attack and I thought they were over...I thought I grew out of it do to speak. Well, last night for no reason at all I went from happy to completly stressed out. I just thought I was freaking myself out.... well.... I laid down to go to bed and started feeling that tight chested, swollen throat feelin I would get when I was about to have a panic attack and of course I did the usual try to calm down...chill out... breathe normally... all the bull shit my Dr. tried to teach me when I was in high school (by the way that shit doesn't help you just gotta ride it out) So this goes on for what seems like hours when really it was probably all of 2 mins...when I try to get up I can't move... I hate this part the most. Panic paralyzation.... I used to have sleep paralysis where I'd wake up mentally but my body was slow to respond. :( It would only take like a min to recover but it's never happend when I was fully alert not a second before hand. So I was damn near terrified. I hate this... I hate not feeling in control. On top of all the stress I already had I got a job offer today... a really good job offer.... and they made it seem like they really want me... I applied thursday (4 days later they call to interview) They want me to interview Wednesday. It's a residential camp for kids with Autism.... Now If you know anything about me at all, you know that I love Autistic children (my #1 girl has Autism!) BUT!!! The job is in Minnesota... help! :(
