How can I pretend its all ok, when its not?
How can I pretend you care when I don't even hear from you?
How come you talked about bettering our lives, when you are leaving me out in the dark?
How come I have to pretend my life is ok, when every second of the day I am yearning and missing you?
How come when it takes two minutes to text me, you can't even do that?
How could you talk about forever and throw me away?
How could you say you love me, to just hurt me?
How could you write so many lies to me if you didn't mean them?
How can I pretend its all ok, when its not?
Below are some things copied from your blogs that you wrote to me, what happened? What changed? I understand your father passing away has been a big life factor on you, but it was even before that, that you started pushing me away.
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subject: I am lonley think about Tawnya
post date: 2006-11-22 17:25:59
views: 55 comments: 0 ratings: 0
Tawnya,
I want to make you smile as you make me.
I wish you saw my thoughts right through my eyes.
You ask me what I'm thinking. I can't tell you.
You are the stars, and I the empty skies.
In me there is a yearning ever flowing
That needs to reach an end that never comes.
I cannot be myself without you with me.
This is a truth no wisdom ever plumbs.
You laugh, and say that I'm your personal angel,
And this is what I want so much to be.
The beauty of my life is like a passion
That blows right through the person that you see.
Your Angel love you
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subject: a note to Tawnya the love of my live
post date: 2006-11-29 11:52:45
views: 40 comments: 1 ratings: 0
Take my hand my sunshine, I wish to help you along. Just knowing there are two of us can help to make you strong.
I know life seems unfair and sometimes gets you down, but know that I am here for you I will always be around. So set a day aside and together we will walk down all your troubled pathways,for it helps sometimes to talk.
If you should need some time to do this on your own, then I will be here waiting since you wish to be alone.
I guess I want to say that I hold our Love dear.
And if you ever need me just reach out,cause I am here.
In Love Rudi
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subject: Always in my Head
post date: 2006-12-06 18:16:28
views: 44 comments: 1 ratings: 0
now it is a night for me i am sleepless have to think so much. Always in my Head are my love from the United States "Tawnya" ...in wish moment ever i think about her i feel happiness she make me smile just if i see her, she make beat my heart faster every sense i think about her and i feel so much love. I cant wait till she is here and i can hugh and kiss her, feel her heart beat, hear she breath feel her skin and look in this amazing eyes.
I think all time about Tawnya and we will be together soon here in Germany. Tawnya i love you so much and i am proud of you ..... good night
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subject: for my sunshine Tawnya
post date: 2006-12-07 17:38:29
views: 39 comments: 1 ratings: 0
My Sunhine, life can be cruel but when it all comes together there is no moment as sweet.
That is how I feel about you entering my life. You have rekindled the flame called love in me. You have given one more reason to look forward to tomorrow.
Now, you are a significant part of my life and I look forward to the day when we can make it permanent. I love you so much. I love you for your kindness, for your caring and giving nature, for your beauty - both inner and outer, and most of all I love you because you are you. The fact that you show me who you really are and not what you think I may want.
Tawnya, let this letter be a testament to my true feelings for you.
The whole world can see and know how I feel for you.
I love you, Rudi
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subject: I am happy
post date: 2006-12-08 13:59:07
views: 51 comments: 2 ratings: 0
Hey right now i feel very happy why my baby make all this funny things here on cherry with the tests and stuff i like that and enjoy the times we spend here and i will enjoy the future with here i am sure she was for a long time just in my dreams and the i really saw her on camfrog ...hehe i did smile so much as i realized it thats the girl i sent a e-mail before 2 years on yahoo but she didn't response at this time and i ever dreamed from her and then... boah it made me saying OMG hahaha i am so happy that i found you Tawnya i really are you are my sunshine and my heart beat i never will miss you ...baby you are my soulmate
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subject: A letter of Love
post date: 2006-12-15 19:39:00
views: 81 comments: 1 ratings: 0
Rudi,
I want you to be able to read this when I lose my internet. I want you to remember that I will be thinking about you every second of the day. I love you and will miss you lots during this time. Yet, I have to look at it in a positive way, a way that I am able to get things done over here before I come over there. You are my Angel, my Knight in Shining Armor, the Love of My Life! You walked into my life when I thought I did not need anyone, now I realize I need you in my life more then anything. You are the world to me, and baby I mean that. How can a love grow so fond on the internet? I will always ask myself that question, yet when I am in your arms looking into your eyes and seeing the love in real life everything will be a dream come true. You are what makes my heartbeat and also you are the one that is making these hard times easier on me. I love you more then words can say, more then feelings can express!
Love Always,
Tawnya
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Baby I love you to death and i am glad you did walk in my life, i want to thank you for loving me. You know you are the women of my dreams a long time ago and in some weeks you are not just in my dreams anymore, no you are here with me together and we will all do we have a good live and i never will stop to love you.
In deepest Love
Rudi
