For many of you that's just a name, but for me that was my oldest son's name. He would be 11 today if he didnt' have krabbes disease and passed in September of 2001. No this isn't going to be a dark and depressing blog, its basically me getting out some of my juice instead of containing it and mulling it over for a build up and blow out of feelings. I always ask for this day off because its just not an easy thing to discuss with co-workers. They just don't get you, unless they lost a child of their own. Makes u in a club that isnt' exactly ur heart warming subject. No i didnt' go to therapy after the loss, and yes my marriage was over as well. But some people need help, I'm more of a person that does it on my own, i know what i need to do and just do it. Too many people use crutches to make it through life and i sort of like the obstacles that occur. They make me stronger and make life not so repetitive and boring. I have two boys that remind me of Anthoney...each having some sort of reminder of what he was like..and no they don't replace him. No one is ever going to be able to do that nor would i want them to. That life I had with him was a building experience, I found strength in myself and learned that struggling for him is 10 times worse then what i would ever encounter. Watching your child die day by day infront of you has a lasting effect. some lose their mind *xhusband*, and some just make do with what is left over. So this is my sorted ramble...not perfection of literature, nor do i strive to be a scholar..just a little insight into what its like to be me.
