Twisted and singed wing Angel's blog: "angel"

I want you to come home and look at me, really look at me, not through me. I want you to take over the kids and be a dad, so I can have 20 minutes of peace in a bubble bath. I want you to sit with me at a table and eat dinner, not sit in front of the tv or run to the computer. I want to feel like you hear me when I am talking, and even if you dont understand act like you care. I want you to tell me I'm sexy, and desirable, even if my hair is a mess, and I'm in the middle of cleaning the kitchen floor. I want you to kiss me, with meaning, and desire, and need, and passion, not a quick peck in passing. I want you to touch me, not grab my butt on my way past you, but arms around me and touch me, just because. I want you to dance with me, in the living room, to songs that make you get close to me, where I fit in your arms. I want you to work for me, not at a job but here at home, like I am worth earning, just because I wear your ring does not make me a guarantee. I want you to look at me the way you do the girls that are not my size, that have never had kids, and would not know how to live with a stretch mark if it fell on their perfect little abdominals. I want you to talk to me, not about work all the time, but about us, and memories, and what you want and need. I want you to just hold me, not expecting anything more from it then a cuddle. I want you to take me back to when just your touch could cause my knees to weaken. I want you to kiss my neck, and run your fingers through my hair, and make me believe that I am the only thing you have ever wanted this badly. I want to know that if tomorrow I was gone that you would mourn me, and long for me, and grieve for me, not move on as though I never existed. I want to feel something, I know I love you, I know I need you, I know I want you, but do you want the same? I want you to make love to me as though you had never wanted something so bad in your life, as if you had waited forever to be near me with me inside me, and my every breath and moan fueled the desire even more. I want to know that I do not have to compete with some skinny thing I can never be after 3 babies, and stretch marks you could turn into a map. Can you do some of this? CAn you be some of this? You used to, I remember, but is that man still there?? the decision is yours, what do you want?

Where is the biggest battle we face in life? In out own minds. My mind is a virtual dictionary of all the things I am not. I am not pretty, not by the worlds standards, I have fuzzy hair (thanks dad) and weird ears. and large chested( thanks mom). I sometimes say too much and can often be very verbally biting. If you dont wanna know dont ask me lol. I am a perfectionist in a body that will never be perfect. I have no tolerance for liars, or cheaters, people that abuse kids or animals or the elderly. I am a bigger woman, not model thin and probably never will be,(if I lose weight it all crawls to my chest which is irritating cause then I am wayyy too top heavy. I write better then I speak, finding it easier to say what I mean thru this form rather then face to face, unless I am irritated then I have a loose tounge lol. I am afraid of heights and I love to sing but am terrified to sing in front of people. I want to travel places and yet am scared to travel very far from home. I see these women on here and feel totally substandard compared to most of them. But I have a short temper and love kids lmbo I can always help someone else with their problems and cant deal with my own. I will pray for others before myself, I feel unworthy. Then I open the bible and see that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I have been given a spirit of strength and not one of fear and a mind body. I am a lender not a borrower a giver not a taker, that part I will admit, I will help anyone and will give the shirt off my back if someone else needs it more, but this often times makes me feel like a doormat. So how hard it is to take what I see in themirror and mix it with what God says He sees in me. How awesome that He knows the hairs on my head including those I lose when my kids lead me to pull em out lol. that I am an instrument of praise and hope to someone else. That I am loved and have been since before my birth. that I can never screw up so bad that I have become beyond forgiveness. that even though I am just a body of flesh and bone, God chooses to let HIs holy presence envelop me and guide me in teh way I should go. How easy those things are to read and repeat but to have them embed in your mind is had to do. so I have to choose to say them till I believe it, say them till I know I am a daughter of the Most high God. Not merely a person but a Queen in his court. Not just a mom but a chosen vessel of his. amazing all the lies we tell ourselves and yet the truth is so much better then what we could ever imagine.

How many times a day have I been angry? how many times a day do I complain about what is wrong? How many times a day do I drag myself down by my own words and actions only to feel even worse? I figure I can take the time to do all those things why not turn it around a take the time to praise. Praise God for all the blessings I don't notice in the middle of a battle. Praise God for the ability to see, talk, communicate with people. Praise God for sustaining me through all the storms and pits often ones I myself jumped into. Praise when I feel like crying, praise when I feel like throwing in the towel cause I never seem to do it right. Praise when I feel like the weight is too much to bear. in the midst of the praise God himself comes down and puts himslef in the middle of that moment when I believe I am all alone. For His word says that he INHABITS the praise of his people. Well today I choose to laugh a little more, sing a little more, thank him a lot more. thank Him that I woke up, thank Him that I have a home and a family that loves me. Take the time in the middle of everything take a deep breath and say Lord , I don't know where this is going but I know where I am going. I am going to the throne room to lay my head in your lap, and give you praise. to feel your very presence in my situation and watch as it unfolds before me. Because the word says having done all that you can do to stand stand therefore, and see the salvation of the LORD. I know I will have battles, but the victory was won, instead of fighting Help me learn to put on my breast plate of faith, pick up my shield of righteousness, and get the sword of the word in my hand and face the devil with the truth. The truth he cannot deny, and wait in praise and prayer knowing that whatever he has stolen You in your awesome works have guaranteed me victory and not just the return of my stuff but 7x what he took to begin with. So right now in this moment, while the world spins around me , I give you praise, praise for the little and the big, for the things we often overlook, and the thing we take for granted and thank you for the victory.

Here she is, the USS New York, made from the World Trade Center ! USS New York It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center. It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft. Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite , LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept. 9, 2003, "those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence," recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. "It was a spiritual moment for everybody there." Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the "hair on my neck stood up." "It had a big meaning to it for all of us," he said. "They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back." The ship's motto? "Never Forget" Please keep this going so everyone can see what we are made of in this country.

THE SCARS OF LIFE "Love is when God became man." Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved. The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go." You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let you go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go. Please pass this on to those you love. God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they got them. Also, it is so important that we are not selfish, to receive the blessings of these messages, without forwarding them to someone else. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too - enough to not let them go . ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Always Tell Your Family And Friends How Much You Love Them!!!

Let me know your number. Once you have discovered your Birth Number, forward this email to the rest of your friends, including the one who sent this to you. Put your "number" in the "Subject" and pass it on! Have fun! Our Birth Date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing. To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the Birth Date together, like in the following example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight. Example: March 20, 1950 3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 2 + 0 = 2 Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the Birth Number to read for the Birth Date in the example. #1 THE ORIGINATOR #2 THE PEACEMAKER #3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY #4 THE CONSERVATIVE #5 THE NONCONFORMIST #6 THE ROMANTIC #7 THE INTELLECTUAL #8 THE BIG SHOT #9 THE PERFORMER =============================================== # 1 - THE ORIGINATOR - 1's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them labeled as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and dwell to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded. {Famous 1's - Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.} #2 - THE PEACEMAKER - 2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of othe rs before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy, they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off. {Famous 2's - President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopie Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.} # 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY - 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easy going. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view. {Famous 3's - Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby , Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster} # 4 - THE CON SERVATIVE - 4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves. {Famous 4's - Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey } # 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST - 5's are the explorers. Their natural cur iosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions. {Famous 5's - Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte , Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.} # 6 - THE ROMANTIC - 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot. {Famous 6's - Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Den ver , Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn } #7 - THE INTELLECTUAL - 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is "slow and steady wins the race." They come a cross as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what is not in the world at large. {Famous 7's - William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana, Vince Ricciardi} # 8 - THE BIG SHOT - 8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to base their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want. {Famous 8's - Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison , Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostradamus} #9 - THE PERFORMER - 9's are natural entertainers. They are ve ry caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation. {Famous 9's - Albert Schweitzer, Shirley Mac Laine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley

Well her heart rate is still in the 60-65 range, Praise God for He is good. She rallied good last night and was up talking and laughing with people. Her fluid levels have gone down greatly, but she still has some onher, I believe that will also be totally gone. They want to start radiation on her to attack the cancer pockets in her lungs and around her esophagus which will help with her nausea. Our county is having a benefit dinner adn auction for her tonight, which has already had a HUGE amount of donations and support, she has no clue the lives she has touched or made a difference in in her 39 years of driving for the school system. The local Budweiser plant is also going to do a benefit golf whatever that thing is called lol, ( i loathe golf rofl). Her biggest fear currently is that if she is unable to drive the bus this last year the school system will cancel her insurance, and she will have no way to pay her medical bills and her household bills with no income but Uncle billy's. So please keep her insurance remaining in tact for her whatever happens in your prayers. Ty to all my friends who have kept informed on the situation and who have kept us in your prayers and hearts. I still believe in miracles, and I know that healing is available. My biggest prayer is God's will be done, he has done so much for her thus far.