Good evening ladies and gentleman and welcome aboard Flight 69 from Denver to San Francisco.
We know you have a choice in which airline you use and we are delighted you have chosen to fly
with Pocket Gay Airlines tonight.
Before we get started this evening, is any body missing a wallet? Oh, I'm sorry, that's mine.
Now that you are listening, please direct your attention to the flight attendants in the aisle.
In the seatback pocket you will find a safety information card. Please remove this card and follow along as we demonstrate the safety features of this aircraft.
For those of you have not traveled in an automobile since the early 30's the flight
attendants are demonstrating what is commonly reefed to as a seatbelt.
To fasten, insert the flat metal end into the buckle; tighten by pulling on the loose strap. To release, simply lift up on the top of the buckle.
If you're still baffled on how to operate your seatbelt you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.
There may be fifty ways to leave your lover, however there are only six ways out of this aircraft.
There are two doors exits in the forward cabin, one on each side. Both are equipped with evacuation slides. And for symmetry purposes we have added two door exits in the rear of the aircraft, one on each side and you Guessed it, both of those are equipped with evacuation slides.
Aisle path lighting will illuminate should cabin
Visibity become impaired. White lights will lead to res lights indicating you have reached an emergency exit.
All exits are clearly marked with red and white Ausgang signs. Ausgang translating directly to Exit.
Please taken An important moment to locate the two exits nearest your seat keep in mind your nearest exit may be right behind you.
In the very unlikely event that out flight turns into a carnival cruises, your seat bottom cushion may be used as a flotation devise.
To use, remove the cushion from the seat bottom frame, place your arms through the straps and hold firmly to your chest.
And as always, once you are finished using that soaking wet cushion, Pocket Gay Airlines would like you to take that home with our compliments.
Our cabin has been pressurized for your comfort. However, should there be a rapid loss of pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the service unit above your seat. To active the flow of oxygen, stop screaming and pull the mask toward you and secure with the elastic band. The mask maybe adjusted by pulling on the tabs on either side.
We do request the you adjust you mask before assisting a child or a passenger acting like a child. If you are accompanied by more than one child you want to decide which one you like better.
Fasten seatbelt and no smoking signs are located throughout the cabin and are generally ignored while illuminated. Our aircraft has three lavatories for your convinces. One in the forward
cabin and two located in the rear All Lavatories are equipped with video cameras… I mean smoke detectors. Tampering with, disabling or destroying lavatory smoke detectors are strictly prohibited by federal law. However, if you find that you require a cigarette during the course of our flight we offer exclusive patio seating over the wing where the feature presentation will be
"Gone With the Wind"!
Federal Aviation Regulations require passenger's compliance with all lighted information signs, posted placards and my favorite, Crew Member Instructions regarding safety of this aircraft.
Our flight is under the sterling command of Capt. Bobweoughtbabyitaboy and he is assisted by first officer Just-In-Case.
TheCaptain has just informed us that out flight time into San Francisco is two hours and twenty-two minutes, but assures me that it won't feel like anything more than two hours and twenty one minutes.
Your cabin crew from the front to back be:
Elaine, Peter, and my name is Bill. We are certainly delighted to have all you aboard with us today and if there is anything we can do make your flight a little more enjoyable please don't
Hesitate to notify Elaine, because quite frankly Peter and I are hung over from out last lay over.
> Enjoy your Flight and thank you again for flying with Pocket Gay Airlines.
