Danny's blog: "alkgjdf"

Pathetic.. Is the main fucking word. This family, This fucking family is nothing more then a pathetic bunch of fucking idiots, that most of them should be wiped from the face of the earth. They honestly don't deserve this thing called living. I don't either. But it's pretty damn stupid to go fucking insane over the most moronic bullshit. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of every little goddamn thing. I can not wait til I finally get out of this toxic waste dump.. Everyone thinks they understand what I am going through. But just face it. You don't have ONE percent of an idea of what I am feeling nor what I am going through. You are just assuming and guessing. But you are nothing more then WRONG. You do not know anything about me, But what day of I was born, My name, and the plain fucking fact that I am your flesh and blood. You don't know how I feel, What I wish to do with my life, What I wish to be when I get older, What collages I'm interested in, My interests, My hobbies, What's my taste of music, What's my favorite things to do, Or who's my best friends. And you want to know why you don't know. It's because you won't take FIVE or more minutes out of your oh so busy life, To sit down, and fucking have a decent conversation with your own Flesh and Blood. But then You always have time to get on my case about POINTLESS SHIT. Stuff that I don't do, Stuff that aren't worth arguing about. Then you tell me shit about how I'm not going to amount to anything in life.. What the fuck. How are you suppose to be a GOOD example for my while I'm growing up, When you tell me shit such as that. I already have enough pressure on my back from school. I don't need to be taunted, and fucked with when I get home. Yes. I know, I'm a goddamn failure. And in 15 years. I probably won't amount to anything. But guess what? It's my life. And The whole point of living. Is to live it the way you want to. If I do become a fucking drug addict, That will be my problem, And I'll cope with it during my pace. Not yours. I'll learn from my mistakes focus on my strong points. Don't spend time bitching at me over stupid shit. It's pointless, And you know it. I'm not some goddamn idiot either. And you have no right to call me one.. And what makes it even worst is that, EVERY damn time, I try to explain myself or tell you something of importance. I'm told to shut up. How am I suppose to learn something if you constantly tell me to shut up. Fucking retarded. And I thought I was suppose to enjoy my teen' years. Not hate them.. Three more years... Three fucking more.. Til I get out. I'll make sure that I do.. I can't stay here.. I just can't. These people.. Have no morals of how to raise a child, decently. I swear, I don't even think I'll make it for three more years..Everything that I live for, Everything I thought was real, Is just a hoax.. So I might as well just forget everything I've heard.. Don't try to compare yourself with me. You don't understand. I don't want you to. It's pointless. All I feel right now. Is Hatred. PURE fucking hatred.. This is just a friction of how I am feeling right now.. Matter of fact. I honestly don't know how I am feeling. All I do know. Is that I am angry.. Some of this shit probably won't even make any sense.. But again, It doesn't matter, does it? No.. It doesn't. I am done with this shit...

Please try and hear what I'm not saying. What my eyes are hiding. Don't be fooled by what I pretend to be. Don't be fooled by the smile I wear. Because the masks I wear hide it all. The thousands of masks I change for you. Pretending is what I do. It's in my nature. I can't stop. You can't see the real me. You can't see my insecurity. All the flaws I carry. I seem secure with all the smiles I show. With the confidence I fake. With how calm I am. But please don't be fooled. For these are all lies. And beneath these lies. There is confusion and fear. A lonely little girl I hide it all, with my many masks. I can't have anybody know. I panic at the thought of my flaws being exposed. That's why I carry many masks To hide it all To help me pretend I don't like hiding though. Carrying my many masks I want to stop, but I can't. Because I'm scared I won't be accepted. That I won't be loved I fear this. And so much more I need you to take my masks away. And insure me that it will be followed with acceptance and love. Only you can take away my blank stare. I'm trembling with fear. For I know this won't happen. Society is to set in its ways to accept me. So, till society changes I'll stay hidden Making new masks for every person I meet. Hiding all my insecurities....

Not much matters to me anymore. This life has no meanings anymore. I'm hitting rockbottom. I lost everything I've ever wanted. I'm pretty certain no one gives a shit. My mother hates me and I hate her. True hate. Daily Threats, many insults. I'm constantly being brought to tears lately. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am dying. Who knows. Maybe I am...

No one,At all has their priorities straight. Not even close. I'm glad to finally realize this and now I see that all my attempts at maintaining a good life have been futile. My mom came home today and yelled at me, explaining to me how much of a bad daugther I am, How much of a fucked up drug addict I am, How much she regretted having me, The bitch even told me how I'm not going to amount to anything in life, How in a few years I'm going to in up like my father, In jail or dead. And everyone wonders why I have so much hatred for everyone. A place called home, Is a place called hell.

Evanescence-October I can't run anymore, I fall before you, Here I am, I have nothing left, Though I've tried to forget, You're all that I am, Take me home, I'm through fighting it, Broken, Lifeless, I give up, You're my only strength, Without you, I can't go on, Anymore, Ever again. My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love. I can't run anymore, I give myself to you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, In all my bitterness, I ignored, All that's real and true, All I need is you, When night falls on me, I'll not close my eyes, I'm too alive, And you're too strong, I can't lie anymore, I fall down before you, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love. Constantly ignoring, The pain consuming me, But this time it's cut too deep, I'll never stray again. My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love, My only hope, (All the times I've tried) My only peace, (To walk away from you) My only joy, My only strength, (I fall into your abounding grace) My only power, My only life, (And love is where I am) My only love.

Sadness in her heart ( Dying with loneliness) In her eyes you can see pain, And nothing else She tries so hard to defeat the pain Who is so deep and painful She walks through the darkness Trying to find cure for her heart But there isnt Her God left her all alone Without the faith and hopeless You cant feel her love anymore Her love is sleeping so deep in darkness Only true love can wake her love again You can see her sadness in her heart Her tears of sorrow trying so hard to hide them from the everyone She tries so hard to kill her loneliness But she is to weak for fight Every night when she is looking into the mysterious stars Hopping they will show her way All this years she has waited for freedom to come to her But theres no sign Every night you can see how is her pain grow She is just lay down, dieing slowly with her loneliness Her angel is dead in deep silence She is closing her eyes Let the shadows take her innocent soul In their eyes you can see nothing but hunger You cant feel her soul anymore Its lost deep into the shadows Her joy, her happiness are lost And theres no turning back And her skin who can enjoy to touch her lovely soft skin Is now white and cold as ice And her touch isnt warm and safety Now its just cold and a lot of hate She is dieing with her loneliness And in her heart you can see sadness And nothing else Her sadness in her heart And dieing in loneliness Its the only way she can feel

Peace in my heart. Is it so hard to believe that youre gone? I can not believe that you left my heart I still remember how angels are taking you away from me From that moment I felt loneliness I wish I was in the heaven with you My pain is real and strong And I cannot erase it I feel a guilty My soul is lost in the shadows I have been your fallen angel Lost in your embrace I still remember how is dead knocking on your door And she says: its time ! I forgot to tell you that I love you Forgive me, my love I hope you can hear me Cause I want ask you something Where I belong my love? Where I can find my peace in my heart Cause all this years I tried to find But there isnt I feel so empty Every time I try to find my lost soul And every time I try to find you in my dreams But youre gone, forever Please, please come back to me my love Cause I want to hold you tight And never let you go If you come into my dream Then dont wake me up, love Kiss me my love, For the last time Cause I forgot your taste of lips Love me for the last time Cause I want to feel your love again And maybe tonight I will find my peace in my heart I think I know what is my peace in my heart Its you You are the one who hole all my life brings me peace in my heart Dear my love havent you wanted to be with me Dear my love havent you wanted to this night be special for us I know you are gone forever But at least we can give each others peace in own hearts Lets just forget what was just happened in past And come with me anywhere Anywhere my love And maybe I have been your angel Lost in your embrace So my love come down And share with me love For the last time Let come closer to your heart I think I find my peace in my heart And its you You are my peace in my heart

To completely dissolve, what method is used I cannot sleep, my hands are bruised there's a hole in the wall, torn up anew one dead eye, the colour of you. To vanish for life and promise to stay away from the knowing, bird in a cage i'd give so much for the courage to go if i ask for your help, then you will know. So help me disappear or to believe in a change no way out of here that i can see or the nightmares that burn into my head at night make them disappear so i can breathe. Looked out the window twice, just to be sure that noone was standing outside the door but it's just as calm as it was before they're all gone now, not there anymore. Tia, No laughing at my poems. :/

Quit lying to me. I'm so fed up with it. I'm sick of being ignored, I'm sick of always being the fucking second person, I'm sick of being cut off, I'm sick of being backstabbed, I'm sick of everyone in general. Every time I talk to someone. They just ignore me. I tell a story, they only listen to half of it, wander off, and still expect me to be their 'friend' Or when I'm talking to someone, and someone else more 'popular, prettier, all around better' than me comes up and they both run off and start a whole new different conversation since mine doesn't fucking matter to anyone. How would you like it if I did that to you? Exactly, you wouldn't. Why would I be any different in that case? I'm sick of people doing that to me. I'm not even going to consider you as a friend anymore. I'm a idiot for even considering you as a friend. I'm not some fuckass backup buddy to make yourself look cool. And then people see me cry, and start to notice and 'care' about me, and still don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I find that ridiculous. That is complete and utter bullshit. I hate it when people say 'ohhh what's wrong Danielle' when they were there the whole time and know exactly what's wrong. That just hurts even more. You're just saying that to bring attention to yourself, not because you care about me at all. I'm tired of being treated like shit. I'm tired of people using me for their little personal needs, and I don't even get a simple thankyou. Stop acting like you know me, stop acting like I'm you're 'friend' when you know nothing about me. What's my favorite color? What's my favorite type of music? Food? Place to go? That's right. You don't know. The only reason you don't know anything about me is because you don't even bother to try and get to know me. That's you're own fucking fault. That's not even a fraction of what I'm feeling like right now. I still have all these other things going on like school, family, Jesse… Don't even compare myself to you. As of right now. I don't have friends. Not from school, anyways. You're all fuckers who don't give a shit for what I do with myself. I don't need you. Not now, not ever. After what all you guys have done to me, I don't think I can handle it anymore. Which is probably just fine for you. Don't talk to me tomorrow. Don't even touch me. You're worthless to me.
By the way, Tia, This has nothing to do with you. I'll talk to you about it later ok.