Invictus Pirate's blog: "A Pirate's Journal"

6/18/07 I can still feel you here But even your presence says goodbye This ghost begins to disappear And I must live with the reason why Found everything I ever needed When it was already gone I am battered, broken and beaten I have nothing to rest my hope upon What have I done? I've lost my all The final act has begun I dont want to answer the curtain call I cannot stop these sorrows that resurrect I face them eye to eye every day Eternal torment is what I expect Everything is lost to me anyway So stab me again, drive another nail in Crucify my heart, please, so it will end Let the cold heartedness be who I am Because I know I'll never find love again Crucify my heart, I'm on my knees Please God, let it be Let its sacrific save me please Please God make this end for me

This is the most recent poem I wrote. Writers block set in not long after I wrote this 4/25/07 Unbowed Every new beginning bears the seeds of future loss From the moment of conception, dooms clock begins to tick, The only question to be answered is not the outcome of the toss, But just how long we have from triggers pull to hammers click The sense that its inevitable might make one hesitant to start, One could so easily be overcome by angst or filled with ennui, Paralysis by analysis, that icy stillness of the heart, When all that we intend will come to naught, its plain to see Yet, we as a race, despite the facts there in our face, Persist in marching gamely on to the bitter end, Though the only destination be our final resting place, Our deaths the only things on which we can depend The game goes ever on; as only the players change, It is my sense that it has been this way forever, So my own optimism might strike some as strange, But here and now, I vow not to surrender, ever I swear I will continue to believe that Love is real, That Truth and Beauty are at work, our bruised souls healing, And with each of lifes rebuffs, I will, smiling, firmly deal, As I go to my end, always standing, never kneeling

3/28/07 Passion pours out into this simple ink pen The only way I can express what I keep within I dont think Ive ever written a poem I can end I just stop, turn the page, and begin again Words flow from each scar my soul clings to And each time I write those wounds reopen again Its hard to write but even harder not to do When the rest of your life is just something that you pretend Tender moments haunt me and I can see her face Eyes closed in a slight smile as I remember her taste Remembering times we clung together when there was no time to waste But now its all gone and our love vanishes without a trace I plead with the sky to make me forget And leave myself adrift on this lonely sea Staring at the horizon and wondering what course is set Is this the way that fate has determined for me Im sorry but I think I have every right to say That love isnt so trivial that it can be just thrown away And maybe the truth is you never loved me that way So I guess theres no reason for me to linger or stay Just remember that I loved you as you'll never love me And Ill wish forever that you will turn back again And though Ill never be ok with how this all has to be I guess I can accept that at least our friendship wont end Im sorry for dreaming but you took my breath away And now I have to learn to breathe on my own And I know that the love Ive shown speaks louder then the words I say So go on go have your fantasies and Il just continue walking alone Its hard to find a way for this rhyme to end When I feel theres so much that I need to say Ive said Ill always love you and always be your friend And always take you back if you ever again turn my way I guess as I reflect I said all I can say And written you every line there is to be true So now Ill take my love, my thoughts and my pen away And watch you walk away til I can no longer see you

10/16/06 A cold empty building Decrepit and out of place. A girl stared out of the window With a cold and hard face. Her hair was long and matted Her skin was pale as sleet. Her eyes held diamond hail That silently fell to her feet. Her hair was black as a raven That perched on the old oak tree. Not really living, just Manifestation of memory. The building was old and rundown Apparantly no one cared. No one cared to visit her, Visit what wasn't there. You didn't visit what didn't exist, She was there day after day. Always at the window Though thousands of miles away. When you called she didn't answer, Shouted, she didn't hear. There was nothing for her to care about And no one to call her "dear". Shadows moved behind her Reflected on the wall. Slowly moving spectres Only she can hear their call. Always there in spirit Their bodies in the ground. Never again to leave the house When guarded by Death's hound. So many spirits trapped there, Until their pennance is paid. Kept in a place between heaven and hell Where all their deeds are weighed. No sense of time to destroy them. With nothing time wants to steal. Time seeks youth, carefree days of truth, Through mortals' sorrow it gets its meal. Some confined to the house for eternity A pennance never tobe paid. Exiled from their friends And All their loved ones betrayed

4/11/06 Is love too much to handle; An ever burning vigil candle… That flames us all deep within, We injure gladly burns on skin, And if we make it through today, Will love stand hurdle in our way? Isn’t it true, fire signifies the love we see, The craze that chains us yet sets us free… For, through the time and all foul ages, Through old books and empty pages, Through the tears and all the pain, Through demise and souls in vain, There was hope and endless love; Our sacred blessings from above Yet beware of things untold Love is not yours to behold… Should you end up right from where you fell, Unto the deepest dungeon of Dante’s hell, Know that that the worse have yet to come, For love is an agitated mistress of the dawn, She won’t concede, love cannot fail, Her cosmic power will prevail, We shall yet be remorseful on her account, With streaming eyes & knees on jagged ground, Begging to spare our lives once more, Oh let us consume the pain we adore, We are what we feel, masochists of fate, In this black, endless ocean love is the bait…

I wrote this on 5/19/06 slip deep in to the caverns of hidden torments, and raven coloured dreams the dark wont dry your eyes not here, every torment is as it seems the whispers in the backlay pull away slowly, surely at the delicate grasp of sanity as the seams begin to tear, failing to keep together the boundaries of reality self neglect and punishment seeps poisonously through every single vein as the pain wells higher tightens to the core decaying hope and 'sweet'dreams but the fire dies down at the glimmerring of what was and meant to be of the thoughts inside and the contradictory cries maybe...just...maybe

I wrote this on April 28, 2006 Walk a path of conflict Sign on the dotted line Give yourself to the enemy Illegal bindings promise "you'll be fine" Tailor made with flaws Dire consequences from truth Lame excuses with an aftermath Nameless faces, do you know which is you? Trapped in an infinite background Truth deriving from lies An animated reality You always know what's not on my mind A short step to far away A book of tainted truthes Cold heart longing for a lover Law over ruled by youthes In need of forgiveness An ever-green turning red A candle burning for the living Someone's lover lying in your bed An honest deed from a thief Thunder making no sound Liars preaching of truth Rain that stops before the ground Pay before seeing the price Love someone you've yet to know Float with a weight in you pocket The wrong map's leading you home.