I am 19, 5'3", 150lbs., green/brown eyes, long red hair.
I have been through a lot of crap in my life so i know what pain is. I am always willing to help people out that are going through a rough time. If anyone needs a shoulder to cry on or just someone to listen or even advice i am always here.

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This is a timeline of all the crap that I have been through in my life.(If you still want to be friends with me after reading this then I will know that you are a friend worth keeping)

--When I was born I almost died and so did my mom. I was also born with a defect in my stomach that had to be repaired.
--When I was six months old I was diagnosed with a deadly disease known as spinal meningitis and it was caught just in time to save my life.
--When I was 1 and a half I had to have surgery done on my ears to put tubes in them.
--When I was 9 years old I was raped three times and my trust in men was destroyed.
--When I was 10, my parents separated and my mom decided that she cared more about her new boyfriend than she did about her kids.
--At age 11 I gradually started losing the hearing in my right ear.
--At age 13 I was sexually molested by my friends step-dad for 3 months. My parents divorce became final.
--At age 15 I lost all but a sliver of my hearing in my right ear.
--At age 16 I met my first love and was discarded as if I were nothing. And I tried to commit suicide.
--When visiting family in Utah I got carbon monoxide poisoning while at our hotel. And spent 9 hours in the hospital trying to stay alive.
--At age 17 I met my second boyfriend and I was used for sex until he got tired of me.
-- I also lost 2 friends two weeks apart in car crashes. And my aunt in march from unknown causes.
--At age 18 I met my third boyfriend and that lasted three weeks. He always did drugs and decided he couldn’t be with someone that didn’t believe in god.
--I met my fourth boyfriend a few months before I turned 19 and he became my husband on May 26th 2006. We moved from place to place.
-- At age 19 my husband and I were falsely accused of domestic disturbance and had restraining orders on us by my best friend of 4 years and her boyfriend.
-- On Dec. 29th 2006 my husband and I packed all of our belonging and headed to Washington with our two dogs. One a gift from my husband and the other a loyal friend of 5 years.
--In Washington we were kicked onto the streets and our dogs were taken away from us because of things blamed on us but not our fault.
--We struggled until we found a way to get to Indiana where my mom said we could stay with her. After a couple months she decided she didn’t like my husband so she gave us two choices, either we both leave and live on the streets again or he leaves and I stay. My husband left for Washington on April 14th 2007.
--We kept in touch for two months and then one day I lost contact with him. I tried for a month to contact him through his brother and filed a missing persons report and had no luck. I finally gave up and decided to divorce him.
--I have moved back to New Mexico and I moved back in with my parents until I can get back onto my own two feet.
UPDATE: I recieved a phone call today from my brother in law about my husband.......He wants a divorce and he has already found someone else that he wants to marry when our divorce is final.

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The Passing

The passing of a life from this existence into the next can be a trying thing for those still here. It’s sometimes easy to forget the things we’re taught, of the better places they go. No matter the faith, it’s believed this way. Yet a tear still falls for those who have passed.

To morn a death is to morn a life. For death comes when a job is done. A good life lived is for one who has fulfilled their task. When my time comes I will greet it with tears, not of sorrow, but of cheer. For I will know that I have done my part. To enrich the lives that I have touched.

I look at life in a funny way. It’s three “L”s that I strive for everyday. To learn something from every experience and grow from them. To love all I can, and to bring laughter all around. To all that have passed I know this is true, that sometime in their life they have accomplished these things.

Death is a learning experience for those still alive. Never forget the love and remember the laughs. If you must morn a passing, morn that of time, the passing of time that slips away with no three “L”s . this is a passing that’s worth a sorrowful tear.

--Merlin ‘98
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“To All the girls that look past the nice guys”

I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough (sorry im a fatt ass) to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"

I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not an asshole

I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just fuck you like some random guy.

I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date

I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around

I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care But most of all

I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry I can ever do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry That i cared

I'm sorry, I called looking for you concerned when you never came home to see if everything was ok, and you never picked up your phone.

I'm sorry, That I thought sex can wait till after marriage, and then you went out and got pregnant.

I'm sorry, For treating you like a queen, but how come i didn't feel like a king.

I'm sorry That you won't be able to read this...

Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry "and add a little if I forgot something

If You're one of the few girls with enough balls to repost, and you would never make your guy feel this way, repost as "To all the girls who look past the nice guys