Hello.Do you ever wonder about your friends' sexual prowess? Do you find yourself thinking back on past conversations and even idle statements? Do you then mentally collate them until you begin to have them gathered like evidence? Do you then weigh this evidence to construct elaborate arguments for and against their abilities being better than your own, or, more specifically, whether they'd fuck your girlfriend better than you do? Do you assign lawyers to each side? Have you ever granted a continuation so that you could talk to your friends for more research via subtly interrogating people with whom they've made the beast with two backs? Have you ever written all of this information down on multi-colored 4x6 index cards, assigning colors specific meanings along the lines of "anecdotal evidence," "circumstantial evidence," "eye-witness report," and "likely total horseshit?"Have you then taped them to your bedroom wall arranging said cards in trees of logic and proof designed to lead you to a concrete and resolute conclusion? Gone off your meds? Hidden a digital video camera in their bedroom? Have you then camped out under their bed for upwards of 209 hours with a digital audio recorder, a five subject, college-ruled, spiral-bound notebook and mini-flashlight pen? Attempted to bed their partner solely to ask point blank for a well-reasoned, 2,500 word essay comparing your sexual acts to those of your friend? Have you ever attempted to bed your friend to gain a degree of first hand insight? I know I sure haven't. You shouldn't either.