Im just your average skinny white guy that likes to have fun. I grew up in VA in a van down by the river. I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning dramas, I manage time efficiently. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. The laws of physics do not apply to me. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. If you have got any follow up questions please ask. Most of the answer will be semi true.