This is pretty much just a recap of all the things that i have gone through/done since leaving Eatonville(my dads house). I will warn you, this is goin to be long. lol. But Im not really writing this for to please anyone, its mainly just for me. Im sure some of you are really bored though, so reading what im about to write will kill time for you, ALOT OF TIME. lol. oh and excuse the many typos that im sure im about to do. Im not all that worried about spelling or anything. Oh, and everythin i say is from my point of view, nothing exagerated or changed. What i say is lookin at things from my side of the situations.. Oh, and there will be a lot of names in here too im sure, but im not guna bother tryin to explain who each and every person is. If its THAT important i will though.
Well... here goes nothing...
April of 2006. I think thats the best place to start. I was still living with my dad and working for him. On a friday, my friend Chris gave me a piece of paper that was actually an email from my real mom who i hadnt spoken to in years. It was her asking him for his help to get me and her back in contact. At the time i really had no intentions of writing her back or trying to contact her. I had been so hurt by everything that had gone on with her and i wasnt ready to take anymore chances with it happening again. So, i told Tammi about the email.
I was invited to a party over at Dallas's house. Every time i mentioned goin to a party to my dad he was absolutly against it. Well this was one i really wanted to go to. So being as how i was pretty sure my dad would tell me no, i just asked if i could go to lascey's house. He said yes. So Lascey, Sean, and Justin showed up when i got off work to pick me up. That was the first mistake cuz they parked right where my parents could see them. Well Lascey came in and got me, then we left. Tammi saw me get in the car with 2 guys. Wasnt too happy about that. So, we got to the party. Everyone was having fun. Dalas put his head through a window and landed in the mud, that was great. lol. I wasnt drinking, most everyone else was. Someone that was there ended up gettin really drunk and started throwin up so he was told to leave, along with other people. Sean was drunk so i wasnt about to get in the car with him, so i left with a few other ppl who had a sober driver. None of us could go home though cuz it was too late. So, me bein a dumb ass, i reached in my pocket and found the house key too my lil sisters dads house. So we went there. I got online and checked my email. I had gotten one from my mom, and some other guy who had no pic just the name stubby. (gee wonder who that could be!?) at that time i had no idea who it was. so i opened it. it was someone saying they new me, my brother, and my mom. he told me that they miss me and said some other stuff which led me to opening the email from my mom. She gave me her home and cell number and email adress. i didnt respond though cuz i didnt know what to say. but i put the numbers in my cell just incase. Shortly after all that the neighbor came over and asked us to leave. So we did. We ended up goin to the river and sleeping in the truck. The next mornin i went to Lascey's and everyone else went home. Later i went home and had to baby sit.
Before tammi and my dad left they asked me about the night before. me being afraid of them being disappointed in me and gettin in trouble, i lied. They didnt believe me though. So they said i wasnt aloud to use the phone until they called Lascey's parents and confermed the whole story.
My sisters were over at their friends house so i was bored and was lookin through my phone for someone to talk to. haha, yeah i didnt listen to the whole no phone thing. Came across my moms number. So i called. Her cell came first. Went to her answerin machine. Didnt leave a message though cuz i didnt know what to say. So then i called her house number. A guy answered the phone. "Is Dannette there?" "No, she is at work" "Oh, who is this?" "This is her fiance""YOU GUYS ARE ENGAGED?" i started to cry. he said "so this must be the infamous Randi Marie." So we talked for a long time! like a REALLY long time. We got to the subject of my brother. I asked for his number so i could call him. Yes, i know things have happen before between us, but i dont care, he is my brother and im not the type of person to give up on a family member because of a mistake, maybe some people should learn from me. So i called Johnny. We werent able to talk that long though cuz he had to go to work. So i got off the phone with him and called Will back, and we talked untill my mom got home. I talked to her for a long time too, but it didnt seem long enough. But my dad and tammi got home so i had to go.
The next day i went to school. Just like any other day. it was only 40 days before graduation. i was on track, and so excited to finally be out of school! well school ended, i went home to baby sit again. Tammi and my dad got home and i had a killer head ache. They asked what was wrong, told um bout not feelin good, and tammi said. "well its about to get alot worse." BUSTED!!!!!!!! i had never argued with either of them before that day. they found out about the party. oh and on top of that, tammi had created a fake myspace account and emailed my mom. My mom told her that she had finally talked to me. so yeah, double busted! they yelled at me alot. i never felt like such a fuck up before. the whole time they were yellin at me all i could think about was the how easily i could kill myself and make it all go away. they told me to go pack up my stuff and leave. i went to my room and just sat there. i found my pocket knife and just kept thinkin to myself "all i gotta do is jab this into my throat and all my pain will go away." then flashforwards of what my sisters would go through stopped me from doing it. but at that point, i had never felt so hated in my life. tammi came into the room then. yelled at me some more. sat there and said she couldnt believe i was walking out on my family, ect. UM HELLO!? THEY TOLD ME TO LEAVE! NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN IM THE ONE CHOSING TO LEAVE?! i dont think so!! they can tell all their friends that i made the choice, but that IS NOT what happend! (this was about the time rosemary and erika got home from their friends) they sat in the living room with my dad and just listened. Jake had been in his room the whole time. tammi left the room. Jake came in and told me he was callin people to come get me. Oh, by the way. for a while before that me and jake would have long talks about how much we hated living there and how we both wanted to leave. so he knew exactly what was goin through my head. he even asked me to come get him the next day while he was at school. lol. Well when my sisters got home and asked what was goin on all they were told was that i didnt live there anymore and was moving out. they started to cry. i was completely crushed from hearin that. Tammi came back in and yelled some more. Then told me to get out of my room and say good bye to my sisters. i walked out to the living room, stood at the top of the stairs and looked at them. My dad wouldnt even look at me. I had no idea what to do or say. I didnt want to leave my sisters, but at the same time i just wanted to get out of there and make all the pain go away. With out even looking at me, my dad said, "This is taking too long, they all have school in the morning, just get the fuck out." I started to cry even harder. i didnt know what i was going to do, where i was going to go or anything. But i just turned towards the door and slowly walked out hoping that they would try to stop me. But they didnt. not another word was said. i shut the door behind be and walked down the driveway. I heard their blood curdling screams too. It was the walk of shame. All i had on me was the clothes on my back and my cell phone. I decided to walk to Nicoles house cause it was the closest place i knew i could go. Normally when i walk to her house i pray the whole time that noone will jump out of the woods and kill me. this time though, i didnt care. i didnt care what happend to me anymore. Well i finally got to Nicoles house. Her mom seemed a lil pissed that it was 11pm on a school night and i showed up, but when i told her everything that happend she told me to come in and she would help me get things figured out. I called my mom. Her and Will where laying in bed, Will could here me tellin my mom what had happend, and before she was even off the phone with me, Will had gotten dressed, had his shoes on, and the car keys and was rushing my mom out the door. lol. They came and got me and I moved in with them.
Sean and i started dating again. Gee, go figure. lol. It didnt last that long though, i broke up with him about 3 days before prom right after he told me he loved me. Yeah, im a bitch, i know. I ended up going with John Galvin, and he went with Lascey. He met Daryale there though, and they have been together since then. So it all worked out! :)
I enrolled at Franklin Pierce so i could graduate on time. On my second day of school i was told that the graduation requirments for their school were different from Eatonville's so i was going to have to redo my senior year, plus alot of other classes. FUCK THAT! So i transfered to Gates High School, where i could work at my own pace. I figure that would be great because i could get done faster then was originally planned. Well Mr. Lambert said i worked too fast. I had my first class done in about a week and a half. He wanted me to spend about a month on each class. So he wouldnt give me the work for my next class. He expected me to come to school and sit there all day twiddling my thumbs untill he was ready for me to move on. yeah, i dont think so. lol. so i decided i was going to enroll into Pierce College, and get duel credit so i could be working on college and high school at the same time. yeah... that didnt happen. Too much was goin on in my life so i couldnt stay focussed on school.
Shortly after moving at breakin up with sean i started dating Ryan Raitz. And oh my God is that boy sexy as hell. lol. I lost my virginity to him the night we got together. BIG MISTAKE!!!! lol. and i know some of you probably dont care, or think i shouldnt have written that here, but i dont care, fuck off! I thought i was inlove. and blah blah blah.
About a month after we got together my brother ended up in the hospital. It took a long time for them to even figure out what was wrong with him. They told my mom and I that he had a staff infection in his blood stream and it had reached his heart and lungs and was slowly shutting his body down. I had only seen him 2 times before he was in the hospital. So i was a complete mess. Here i was, just met my brother again, and now he was dying!? What a bunch of bull shit! We were told he wasnt going to live to make it outa of the hospital. That same day Ryan left out to sea with the Navy. So i was a mess for a while. Then one day the nurse came in and told him there is nothin more they could do for him and sent him home. it was totally random. but awesome! ever since then i tried to spend as much time with him as possible. I cant even go a day with out talking to him. He is my all time best friend now, and no one can change that, no matter what. Well then Ryan broke up with me 10 days before returning home. Completly random? yes. heartbreaking? even more yes.
Johnny and i spent alot of time together. He introduced me to all his friends. I started dating Ryan Busch. yup, another Ryan. i dont really feel like going into too much detail about that one though. Sorry. But all of Johnnys friends became my friend. I picked up the habbit of smoking weed. Oh, not to mention drinking alot too. They became daily habbits of mine. Well in August (still in 06) i went to Spokane to hang out with a friend for a week. Ryan cheated on me. I came home, he told me he didnt. But everyone else told me he did. So i emailed the girl, Alicia. Turns out, she is his ex girlfriend. For the first bit of our relationship, he was still with her. So he was playin the both of us. I dumped him at the fair. Me and Alicia are now really good friends. lol.
The day i got home from Spokane i was at the library in Puyallup hanging out with some friends. I saw this GORGEOUS guy sittin at one of the computers. I asked my friend who that was. "Oh, thats Sober, he is one of your brothers friends." (btw, almost everyone i hang out with have nicknames according to their personality, looks, hobbies, or other random reasons. he is the sober one, gee, wonder why? lol) i was still with Ryan at the time too. but i just had to talk to this guy. so i walked up and introduced myself and asked him if he knew where my brother was. lol. smart, huh? hehehe. he helped me find him. turns out he was at home. So i hung out with sober the rest of the day. Oh, by the way, sober = tyler. lol. So, he was pretty much the only one who supported me being with Ryan still. but i broke up with him anyone. Tyler hung out with my brother and i alot. he would come over all the time. He started to get really flirty too. Then one day when he was over and our house and had to meet his mom outside of the aparment gate. i walked with him. this is how the convo went starting with him. lol "is your brother mad at me?" "idk. probably" "why?" "because you have have been flirtin with me alot. but dont worry, i told him you are just playin around and werent tryin to hook up with me." "are you sure about that?" "wait, do you like me" "i think you are smart enough to figure that one out" then his mom showed up. he gave me a hug and went home. we were chattin online that night about what was said earlier. He told me to just say the word and he'll me mine. i told him i didnt ask ppl out. so he said (well typed) "well since we both want to date eachother, how bout tomorrow we are officially dating" me being me said, "so, you're tellin me i have 3 more hours being single, and can do whatever i want with whoever i want, but at midnight you are my bf?" he said"yup pretty much". so thats how it worked. thats the story of how tyler and i got together..YAY!!!! happy days.. :D oh, that happend on oct 11, 2006
Well we were together for 3 days. I was hangin out with Joe and Cassey, smoking weed. i smoked WAY too much. Tyler was working at Casa Mia still and ofcourse we had the munchies so we went there and got pizza. we ordered a $27.00 pizza. Tyler pulled it out of the oven, cut it up, set it on the table and went to get us plates and forks. by the time he got back to the table it was almost gone. i had blisters on my tongue after that! lol. but, i didnt like the feeling. i was really scared and didnt feel like i had any control over my body. Tyler didnt like seein me like that either. So, that was my last time smoking weed. i just stopped it. i looked at tyler and his life, and realized i didnt want to do it anymore. i also quit partying everyday too. It was weird. that night was a big eye opener to me i guess.
Hmm.... my favorite thing in the world to talk about is me and tyler together. lol. but it would take you about a year to read it all since thats almost how long we were together. lol. Well, lets see, the important stuff... If it wasnt for him, i would have never bothered to call and contact my dad and that whole family. I was always too afraid too, afraid of more disapointment. I became more of an individual because of him. Spoke my mind more. And pretty much became and all around better person. For once in my life i was pround of being who i am. Lets just say, i really got my act together and started becoming a true adult.
I called Tammi finally in November. Started talking to her and tryed to fix what i fucked up i guess you could say. I started talking to Erika again too. (my now 10 year old sister) Her and tammi were the only once who would talk to me. noone else wanted anything to do with me. Erika and i talked every day after that! Then Rosemary (my almost 17 year old sister) started talkin to me too. My dad didnt budge. He still didnt want anything to do with me.
There is this girl, Alyse. her roommate was out of town and tyler and i went to spend the night there. it was march of 07. I started having really bad cramps. Then i started to feel dizzy, and sick to my stomach. I went to the bathroom. Ended up throwing up. It wasnt just regular puke. It was like this brown nasty shit, that looked like shredded wheat or something. I was in so much pain i couldnt even move. So tyler and Alyse said there were taking me to the hospital. We got there and they put me in a room right away. I couldnt even walk on my own. It was horrible. I was screamin at every doctor and nurse too. Telling them to just make the pain go away. My mom and brother showed up right after that. Finally they gave me morphine. that didnt work. so they gave me oxicotton or codine. not sure what one, but it didnt work either. They were doin some tests on me to try and figure out what was wrong. Me and Tyler were in the room alone together when a nurse came in, and was a total bitch by the way, and said "so how long ya been pregnant?" we both looked at her and told her i wasnt. and let me remind you she was a BITCH, and said "well we got big pink lines here saying you are" yeah, so i was pregnant. how fucking great! i was still in a world of hurt too.So as a last resort i guess, they gave me diladine. OH AND THAT SHIT WORK! passed out right away. Tyler was so scared though. I was shaking really bad still i guess. But they said that there were some times when i would just stop moving all together and they thought i had died. Noone knew at that point what was wrong. They did alot of ultra sounds on me. The baby was still alive. Most of the night is a complete blur to me, but i wont ever forget layin on that bed when 2 nurses were doin the 3rd ulta sound and just stopped and looked at eachother. then looked at me and said "your babies heart just stopped" then they took me back to my room. i thought it was all a dream. i was passed out again. Tyler woke me up. They asked if i knew what happend and i told them no. When we got in the car they explained it to me. That night was the first time i had ever seen tyler cry. Thats when i realized that when they told me about the babies heart beat stopping, i wasnt dreaming. Damnit, fucking crying now. lol. bitch!! urgh.
MOVING ON NOW!!!
That miscarriage brought tyler and i closer together. And i think thats when i realized how awesome his mom was. lol. Yeah, his mommy loves me! :D im the only person he has ever dated that she still liked after they broke up. (oh yeah, the love story doesnt have a happy ending. sorry for giving that away. lol) She always wants to hang out with me, and includes me in everything they do as a family. its great! i love her to death!
Ok, about 2 weeks after the miscarriage i moved out of my moms house in with Alyse. I wasnt really happy living there. So i just up and left. Not cool, i know. it broke my moms heart. I didnt talk to her for about 3 weeks after moving out. She was not happy with me. While i was living there i just felt like an inconviniece and an extra expence. Well i wasnt plannin on stayin there for too long, just untill tyler and i found a place of our own. A month to the day after i moved in me and Tyler were plannin on going to Seattle for the weekend. We ended up just gettin a room in Puyallup and had some friends with us and had a lil "shindig" there. Alyse decided to text tyler and told him to tell me that i had till noon the next day to get all my stuff out of her house or she was trashing it. yeah, no warning at all! and through a text, she kicked me out. I talked to her about it and her reason was because Tyler spoiled me too mucha and thats not how life works so she was teachin me a lesson. are you thinking what the fuck? lol. yeah.
Well my brother got his own apartment in Eatonville. I stayed with him alot, and also this girl Crystal who i went to school with a while ago. Well about a month and a half after gettin kicked out of Alyse's house i started to get this weird feelin. Something was wrong. Well maybe not wrong, but different. My apitite changed, ALOT, i was sick, ALOT, and my pants started to fit more snug. hmm... bet ya know where this is going, dontcha!? lol. we went to planned parent hood and found out i was pregnant, again. woo hoo, not really. neither of us believe in abortion, so we just figured we'll take responsibility for our actions and do whats right. Because of the fact that i had a miscarriage a few months prior, it was a high risk pregnancy. Tyler wouldnt even let me stand up to do dishes or anythin like that. lol. it was cute. the weird thing about it though, Crystals son Phoenix would come up to me, before i even knew i was prego, and put his had on my stomach and go "oh baby" it was so cute. lol. i wanted the baby to be a little girl, but everyone else said it was a boy. my brother said it was a boy, and joked about me having twins alot too. lol
shit, ive typed alot. dont like it? stop readin it. lol.
Well i was about 4 months along. I was staying at Crystals place. i went to the bathroom and there was blood coming out. I knew what was happening so i went to the hospital right away. i sat in the waiting room for about 3 or hours bleeding, and still hadnt been seen. I miscarried the baby in the waiting room. The next day everyone was freaking me out tellin me that i needed to go make sure the placenta and everything came out because i could get an ifection if it didnt. So i went to Tacoma General just for a check up. Guess what? i was pregnant with twins! yeah, it was scary as hell! so now it was even more high risk.
Tyler and i got an apartment finally. I love it, well at first i did. All of our neighbors hate us. We are one of the few white "families" that live here so we get treated like crap. Its retarded! but oh well, its a home. So it works.
July 4th rolled around. Tyler asked me to be his wife!!!! there is another blog about the how he did it, so just read it, i dont feel like retyping it. lol. and there is another blog about how my dad wouldnt walk me down the isle and none of them would even be there.. again, i dont feel like retyping it all. But i had decided that i wanted my big brother to walk me down the isle and give me away to his best friend.
A few weeks later i lost the 2nd baby. Tyler and i started to fight alot. I was really depressed about it, plus some other things. And it tore us apart. Plus he had some stuff goin on with his family. Im not going to write about it though, cuz its not my place to tell anyone about it. I finally snapped out of everything. Decided i wasnt going to let my family being bitches again ruin my life. Tylers issues however, didnt go away. So, August 7th or 8th, right before our 11th month, he broke up with me. It was kinda of a mixture of alot of things i believe. I was the closest thing to him, so i was the easiest thing to blame for him problems. Plus the fact that he was wanting to get married soon so he freaked him self out of it i guess. and also he never really got the freedom of living on your own and being single, and i guess he thought he was missing out on something. So yeah, we broke up. Decided to still live together though. We has just signed a lease and didnt see the point in either of us breaking it.
We stayed really close for about a month after breakin up. It was like we never split at all actually. Then things just changed. We never even really talked. We were just there i guess. It sucked. And still does actually. Cuz we still are broken up. One minute he will act like we are together though and its amazing! Ill actually start to believe that we are going to get back together. But then the next minute its back to not even talking, or just fighting. So i dont know. I love him more then anything though. We just both need to figure out what we want though.
Me and my family are extreamly close. I dont mean just me, mom, will and johnny. that also includes joe and tyler. Plus im considered a part of tylers family. and thats great too. his mom is such an amazing person. She absolutely loves me too. is awesome! and my family still loves tyler.
Oh, about the whole situation with my dad and that family. There really is no situation anymore. I still love all of them and always will. I just got fed up with me trying to make things right, and them only wanting something to do with me when it was convinient to them. They like to talk shit about my mom. Saying she abandonded her kids and stuff like that. But if ya think about it. what are they doin? i mean my own fuckin father wants nothing to do with me. you know why? he said im not the daughter he raised. i dye my hair and smoke now. yeah! is that not a bunch of bullshit!? or what? um, hello... TAMMI AND ROSEMARY BOTH DYE THEIR HAIR! they have highlights and stuff like that. its the same thing! he doesnt make any sence to me at all. and im not goin to spend my life trying to get him to talk to me. he turned his back on me, i tried to make things right. it controlled my life for the longest time. and i got sick of being controlled like that. im not going to fight for love that isnt there. i was always a daddys lil girl too untill i moved out of there. im better then that. i know how to forgive people for their mistakes, no matter how big they are, and they, well idk. they are just to stubborn to realize what they are losing. im not the daughter he raised. well fucking duh!!! sorry im not the little girl i used to be. people change all the time. w/e. not worth typing about anymore. long story short. i dont have a relationship with them anymore, their choice not mine. they dont like the fact that i have a relationship with my mom. but guess what? i love my mom. she is one of my best friends. nothing and noone can change that either.
but yeah... that about brings you up to date. there are some people and some things i left out, but oh well...
