Jack's blog: "Nothing"

Tired of being judged. Invited to a "friend's" house for dinner. They felt it was time to get to know us. We talked about everything where we grew up, our childhoods, & many other things. Ever since that dinner, the attitude has changed, we are barely spoken too. Listen, my sister & I never asked for what we were dealt. My sister never asked to have seizures & to be on medicine all her life or to need a caregiver. I never asked to be hated & abused growing up. I never wanted the monstrous things to happen to me, but they did. That doesn't make me a monster. 
You judge me & you never take time to really know me or my sister. I take care of my sister. I am trying to help her get her dreams. Yes, people that have special needs have dreams & they have feelings just like the rest of us "normal" people. I deal with my sisters changing attitude daily. I never know what I am going to get from one moment to the next. I get hated on at times, & I get the little kid who's sorry & needs a hug. I deal with someone who can not fully distinguish between reality & movies. I have to answer questions about everything. I have to re-assure her that I am not going to leave her. Our dad committed suicide in 2010. My mom told my sister it was just them & they were going to do everything together. They did do somethings together, but my mom met a guy & then changed. She told my sister she was tired of taking care of her & wanted to live her life. My sister was left in my care. My sister fights feeling abandoned. 
You don't know that I have to get up & deal with this by myself daily. I have to sacrifice my dreams so that my sister can have hers. I have to weather the storms that come. I am the one standing strong & holding her dreams up. I have laid down mine. You look at me weird or whisper behind my back, because when I have a chance to talk I do. I come off as clingy or over emotional to you. Sorry, to offend you. I enjoy getting to talk to someone I don't have to try to explain reality to. I like to joke & have a good time. You talk about how I dress & that I don't have this or that. I am sorry that I have needs. I am not allowed to take what belongs to my sister for her care & use it for myself. So, my shoes will be worn out. My clothes will look old, & maybe it will look like I haven't shaved, because I can't get blades. I go without so that my sister can get her dreams. You do not hear me complain. You may see my shoulders slump or the tired look on my face or you may see me moody, but I am still standing strong & running the race. Why?, because I have no one to help me. Everyone wants to judge, even after they supposedly know me. I stand strong & I stand true. Though the storms rage & people judge I remain standing un-moving & undaunted. I cry, I bleed, I get tired, but I keep getting up & facing the days. Why?, because my sister deserves her dreams & no one else will fight for her like I will.