Ok my little lemmings....
I am here to speak for the silent majority.. those women who like myself, on a daily basis, stand on a very fine line between wishing we were rail thin little model-types who whine and complain that they cannot POSSIBLY eat a candy bar because they will gain weight... and fighting the urge to tie those broads down.. and force feed them chocolate so they will look less like some halloween prop warehouse reject, and more like human beings....
Nothing irritates me more than seeing Tiny little waifs who are so obviously STARVING themselves, to the point of risking becoming the "INCREDIBLE SKELETAL FEMALES" sorority, ordering a salad and ice water at a restaurant !!
I swear I just wanna grab them by the throats and scream at them:
"EAT for the love of Christ - EAT!"
But while we are on the subject of food.. there are so many risks associated with food these days.. Look at the media...
Can't eat Beef, could catch Mad cow disease....
Can't eat chicken . Damned bird flu epidemic....
Can't eat eggs ... Salmonella Poisioning is apparently BAD
Can't eat pork ... some people fear that bird flu will infect the little piggies
Can't eat fish ... heavy metals in the waters has poisoned their meat
Can't eat fruits and veggies ... insecticides and herbicides have made them toxic...
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I believe that leaves Chocolate!!!!!!!!
Now before, you succumb to the collective WTF?!?!?! cries, let me fill you all in on a little secret that those of us who actually can walk more than 2 minutes without fearing we will break a bone due to SERIOUS malnutrition learned long ago...
(and send a reality check to those "Oh my god the dog ate my Brain!!... AGAIN!!!" idiots who call themselves models).....
CHOCOLATE IS A HEALTH FOOD!
Bull$hit you say? LOL Allow me to explain...
Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
A bean = a vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is a dairy product. So candy bars are a health food. Image
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit; so eat as many as you want.
Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, to stay young, you need to eat more chocolate.
If calories are an issue, (and if so, you have my deepest sympathies) store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. (I am currently testing this with other snack foods as well.)
A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you? I KNOW you don't want the demise of the body-shaping fashion industry on your conscience....
So, do yourself a favour and eat a chocolate bar today :) I promise you, your body will love you for it!!
LMAO!!
P.S.:
NEWS FLASH: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts."
