COLESLAW in 36 steps!
1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.
2. Look for green peppers.
3. Drive to store.
4. Choose green peppers.
5. Carry them to cashier.
6. Drive home.
7. Find wallet.
8. Drive to store.
9. Buy green peppers.
10. Drive home.
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
12. Look for mayonnaise.
13. Drive to store.
14. Buy mayonnaise.
15. Drive home.
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
17. Look for raisins.
18. Drive to store.
19. Buy stupid raisins.
20. Ignore stupid cashier's snickering.
21. Drive home.
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
23. Look for miserable lousy stupid carrots.
24. Drive to stupid lousy store.
25. Buy miserable stupid lousy carrots.
26. Call stupid miserable snickering cashier a Nazi.
27. Crawl to car.
28. Drive home.
29. Chop stupid damned miserable lousy carrots into damned stupid lousy miserable bowl.
30. Look for finger.
31. Look harder for finger.
32. Look everywhere for finger.
33. See cat scurrying away.
34. Follow cat into new neighbor's house, surprising him in middle of drug deal.
35. Dive over sofa to escape gunfire, landing on cat's tail, causing cat to screech and jump up into new neighbor's face and claw his eyes as he's bending over the sofa about to shoot you, enabling you to grab the gun from his hand, enabling you to hold the gun on him until the cops arrive, who then arrest him and drive you and the cat to the hospital where the cat's stomach is pumped and your finger is found and sewn back on good as new.
36. Collect reward of half of neighbor's property from drug auction, then just buy all the delicious cole slaw you want from a nice deli.
HASTY PUDDING in 19 steps
1. Preheat oven to 800 degrees.
2. Pour 1 and 5/4th cups of milk into a large pot.
3. Mix.
4. Drive to store for cornmeal.
5. Stir cornmeal into the milk.
6. Add three pounds of cole slaw (OPTIONAL).
7. Drive to store for molasses.
8. Add 217/434ths cups of molasses.
9. Look around for raisins.
10. Curse.
11. Drive to store for raisins.
12. Add nine.
13. Search whole house for lousy stinking nutmeg.
14. Kick oven.
15. Hop around on one foot, cursing.
16. Drive to stupid stinking store for stupid stinking lousy blasted nutmeg.
17. Punch cashier after her stupid and predictable, "Oh, fancy seeing YOU here again" remark.
18. Drive home after being beaten by pig-faced Nazi stockboys.
19. Put key in front door, causing spark which explodes house full of gas that escaped from oven after kick caused pilot light to go out.
Serves four
