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Dew's blog: "dear x wife"

created on 09/26/2011  |  http://fubar.com/dear-x-wife/b343732

x wife

THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER! Dear Wife,
 I’m writing you this letter to tell you
 that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been 
a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing
 to show for it. These last 2 weeks have
 been hell. ... Your boss called to tell
 me that you quit your job today & that 
was the last straw. Last week, you came 
home & didn’t even notice I had a new 
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & 
even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. 
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to 
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You 
don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t
 want sex or anything that connects us as 
husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on 
me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the 
case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try 
to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to 
West Virginia together! Have a great life! 
—— Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more 
than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I 
have been married for 7 years, although a good 
man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch 
my soaps so much because they drown out your 
constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t 
work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, 
but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look 
just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not 
to say anything if you can’t say something nice, 
I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite 
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, 
because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About 
those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because 
the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed 
it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed 
$50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still 
loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit 
the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought 
us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. 
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have 
the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that 
the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. 
So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! 
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister 
Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.

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