THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER! Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you
that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been
a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing
to show for it. These last 2 weeks have
been hell. ... Your boss called to tell
me that you quit your job today & that
was the last straw. Last week, you came
home & didn’t even notice I had a new
haircut, had cooked your favorite meal &
even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps. You
don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t
want sex or anything that connects us as
husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on
me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the
case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don’t try
to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to
West Virginia together! Have a great life!
—— Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more
than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I
have been married for 7 years, although a good
man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch
my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t
work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week,
but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look
just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not
to say anything if you can’t say something nice,
I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About
those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because
the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed
it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed
$50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still
loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit
the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought
us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone..
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have
the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that
the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.