the Cat's blog: "WinTheLotto.net"

Miss Scarlett's Come Home to Tara
Trolling for Vampires
A Dishonorable Discharge from the Uterine Navy
Saddling Old Rusty
Feelin' Menstru-riffic!
Clean-Up in Aisle One
Massacre at the Y
T-Minus 9 Months and Holding
Game Day for the Crimson Tide
Panty Shields Up, Captain!
Taking Carrie to the Prom
Playing Banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band
Ordering l'Omelette Rouge
Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp
Rebooting the Ovarian Operating System
Aunt Floe is visiting

Thought y'all should read this in case you're thinking of installing an electric fence!  

We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me; I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.  Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.

 I then used an 8 ft. Long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground.  The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6hp big wheel push mower.  The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard.  I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger.  I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.  It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gig volt fence wire in the other hand.  Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.  Time stood still.  The first thing I notice is my testicals trying to climb up the front side of my body.  My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.  Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head.  I was literally at one with the engine.  It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower was fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and have an orgasm at the same time.  I beg to differ.  Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second.  It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times.  It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire.  My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go.  I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.  This one I could not let go of.  The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil.

At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Doggone It!  I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!'

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough.  It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it.  Covered in poop and pee, and with my testicals on my chest I think 'Oh God please die...pleeeeaze die.'  But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, and standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me.  God did not take me that day.....he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on the ground hours later.  The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas.  It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.  There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it.  I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.  Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and sweat - when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a son-of-a-gun now.  Seriously!  I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My testicles are now smaller than average and they are shaped funny.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life.  I now have a newfound respect for things.

I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

5 Things You Never Knew Your Cell Phone Could Do

For all the folks with cell phones. (This should be printed and kept in your car, purse, and wallet. Good information to have with you.)


There are a few things that can be done in times of grave emergencies.

Your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival.
Check out the things that you can do with it:


FIRST
Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find
Yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile network and there is an
Emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to
Establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly, this number 112
can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND
Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys In the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on
their cell phone from your cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will
unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other 'remote' for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

Editor's Note: It works fine! We tried it out and it unlocked
Our car over a cell phone!'

THIRD
Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your cell battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370#.Your cell phone will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you
charge your cell phone next time.

FOURTH
How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following Digits on your phone: *#06#. A 15-digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it
somewhere safe.

When your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.


And Finally....

FIFTH
Free Directory Service for Cells

Cell phone companies are charging us $1.00 to $1.75 or more for 411 information calls when they don't have to. Most of us do not carry a telephone directory in our vehicle, which makes this situation even more of a problem. When you need to use the 411 information option, simply dial: (800)FREE411, or (800) 373-3411 without incurring any charge at all. Program this into your cell phone now.

Why people claim I am a psychic…

I prefer a Christian that has learned to listen to God…

An actual post my paying lotto customers saw a few days ago…

Forum: Real Lotto Data   

Posted: 28 Mar 2009 10:38 am   

Subject: My Spirit just leaped on the 148 in the last file...

that ALWAYS means it is coming soon...

Yesterday’s midday number in the Michigan Lottery was 148 STRAIGHT….

Thank you God…

How many of you would have the guts to go into a forum and post that God told you a lotto number was about to hit???

I do….