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What are you waiting for?
Shit hasnt changed much. You still have women comeing from no where. I feel like im on edge all the time. Every time i want to trust you and get comphy with you i feel like im getting smacked in the face. You have friends who back you and you only talk to them some of the time. They dont know what goes on here just what u want them to hear. You dont tell them how im a good mom or how much i do 4 u and the kids. Im just sad cause i thought i would be better getting married again. I dont know whats going to happen with us. I just know this has to stop. I dont like looking in to your shit to see if u r cheating. but all the stuff i see by acccedent then i go look. i know u r talking to other women the way u use to talk to me. so yea im tired of finding out that another woman has come out of thin air.
So Im not sure but for some reason you are being nice. Makes me wonder if you read my last blog. Think its sad that if you had that, thats why your being nice. This dont make me very happy cause it should not have to take a blog for you wanting to care. How long will it last? Not sure. I do know is I hope that you are not fakeing it for a while to make me happy. Happy hum what is that? I havent felt it in a long time. It would be nice that you would have to worry bout how shit needed to be ran around here. It would be nice to see some kind of change around here between us. The nice thing is I think back to how nice it was when we got back together . We where always together. We made choices together. Most of all it was nice couse we had felt like we had fallen in love again. It makes me smile. It so would be nice for our ex's just "poof" and be gone. lol. But thats not real life. Something else would be nice is that the women that are popping up out of thin air would just leave you alone. Just go away and live their own lifes. That would be nice.
Why do I wonder why you flirt the way you do? Why do you not care how it hurts me? Why do you lie about what you do? Why do you hide who you talk to? why do you hide what you talk about? why dont you tell me the truth? Why cant you see how bad I hurt? Why cany you tell me you love my with out me asking you?
I love so much some times i hate you. I hurt and you dont even know. Its seems you dont care. why cant i even be your baby? why do I just have to be your hun. I HATE that word. Im not your sluts you talk to Im your wife. Why do I do the shit I do for you? Because Im in love with you and I would walk the ends of hell for you. Thus why I wanted to marry you.
why am I sad? why do I go to bed crying? why do I feel alone inside? why do I feel alone all together? why do I question why? why cant I voice how Im felling? why do I dont want to you to touch me the way I want you to? why do I feel like we are more like room mates than husband and whife?
I just want my husband not a room mate. I want my family to be a family. I dont like the idea of the way shits working out the you and me. I didnt sign on for this. I didnt want to feel alone. Maybe this will turn around and get better. Maybe I will asking myself why all the time. Maybe your past will stop coming up to hount us. I hopeing for the better for us. I just want to be happy.
