Heather Lynn's blog: "Why me............?"

Heather, You do not know me I am John's cousin Dan from minnesota I have read all of the posts and would like to tell you thanks for the deep love you had for Tim. Some people go A lifetime with out really knowing love. It is very special to see that you know what love is. Thank you for all the thoughts that you share about Tim. I did not really know him. But reading what you write makes me feel that he was very blessed to have someone like you. You are in my prayers. May you find what God has for you in this life. Feel free anytime to e-mail me. Take care. Dan

In 2 monthes it will be my birthday, and while most celebrate or get excited, I don't, I can't. Because it just reminds me that in 2 monthes it will be one year since Tim passed away. And I sit and wonder when the pain ends, or if never when it may subside....just a little. How many days am I gonna cry? How many nights am I gonna go to bed and not be able to fall asleep because I can't not see him when I close my eyes. And how many times am I gonna have a dream that's so real I wake up in a daze and think he's still alive? Only to come back to the reality that I still won't get to see him today, or tomorrow, or ever again. When will I not love him anymore, no scratch that, cuz I know I always will, but when will I not be in love with him anymore? Why isn't he letting me move on? Yes I have sort of, and am going to move on, but not completely. Am I gonna be that girl that spends the rest of her life either alone, because I can't let go, or with someone but not TRUELY WITH them? Yes I realize it hasn't been that long, and everyone grieves differently, but I feel consumed. Like he is not letting me go. Maybe that's crazy, but it is what it is. What am I supposed to do, am I going about this wrong?

Remember when you started dating that person that made you feel like asking yourself "why me?".....why did you pick me? You had those butterflies in your tummy and thought the world couldn't be a better place because perfection had already found it when that person was born. How many times do we get that feeling? And do you think it should last forever or eventually go away and thats acceptable? And how long do we wait and/or date before someone asks us....why me?.....why did you pick me? Do we both have to ask it for it to be right?