I have been sitting in my room and thinking bout the shit that keeps eating at my mind and I wonder what the hell I have made of myself. Its like I dont know the person I have turned into so full of hate and just looking for reasons to walk out that door. I sit and think about how much I hate my life and how the people around me deserve to know the truth about the person they think I am cause I'm not this happy person that they all once knew I have built up this wall to keep them all out and I dont want to let it fall cause I know what lies on the other side. I wonder why I fell so weird like some one else is walking in my shoes this person I am is not me I'm mean and not afraid to speak my mind. I dont hide from what stands in my way I go for it even if it is dangerouse but lately I feel like I have been punking out cause I know I will lose it all if I slip up and my kids mean so much more to me then that. And they deserve more then what they get now where there home is a war zone for everyone that resides in it. Knowing that you have to keep everything else not just your feelings under lock and key and feeling like you dont even belong in your own home is what scares me cause I am not the one who made this desison to let the shit go wrong in my life but why should it have to be like this.
