christie's blog: "WHAT YOU DONT SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME"

i am a girl writting of pain. i am a person living life of shame. i am yourdaughter hiding my depression. i am your sister making a good impression. i am your friend acting like iam fine. i am a wisher wishing this life weren't myne. i am girl who thinks of suicide. i am a girl pushing her tears aside. i am a one who doesnt have a clue. i am the girl sitting next to you. i am the one asking you to care. i am your bestfriend hoping you'll be there

Lost I stared past my preacher as he lectured me, tears poured down my face I knew what this was I needed no lecturing I only came to him for help all I needed was moral support I looked into his face I knew what he was saying, (the same as everyone else) though I heard no words I only cried harder I understand everything I don't need people to tell me what's wrong he seemed to be my last resort he was the only person I had left to turn to and he had failed now what?

If These Walls Could Talk If these walls could talk, you'd know my body is dead, my mind has been taken over, that's why I am so scared, I can't control it, anger is making me blind, I've been left here on my own chained to a hate of some kind. If these walls could talk. If these walls could talk, you'd know about my fears, about all those nights I screamed for help, about all my fallen tears. You'd know about the demons haunting me at night, you'd be able to help me keep my fire alight, if these walls could talk. If these walls could talk and you would say that it's all right, God sends His angels to look over me at night. They'd encourage me, say though I am alone it doesn't mean I‘m on my own. He watches me, from above and showers me with all His love......YA RIGHT!!!! .

Just a Little Longer Desolation, Wide open space, Between the trees and me, Emptiness and me, Confusion and decisions, Feelings hard to define, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, Coldness seeps Its way in, I am falling deeper, Into what I fear most, As I reach out, There is nothing there, As possible there was something once, Only to be gone, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, The sun drops, The last inch of light falls, The squirrels more likely to be huddled up, But not me, Something I never possessed, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, Then the sun has gone, Darkness spreads its wings over me, I see nothing so no one sees me, Feeling of bitterness only, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, An Owl peers down, With question in her eyes, She doesn't have a hope, In helping me, As she doesn't see my pain, Spreads her wings, Passes me by, And I say to myself, Just a little longer, The soft earth, Seems the only thing holding me up, Even then I could slip, And wondering takes me, To why and how I got here, Without even knowing it, Yet no one notices, As they didn't see before, So I say to myself, Just a little longer, Shimmering in the darkness, I see two moons, Reflecting off a stream of thoughts, Ongoing forever more, Along a rocky road, Slowly giving in to finding a way out, I take the plunge under the river, Then the wind carries a whisper, Gently on a breeze, 'Just a little longer.'

I feel I am the only one who can actually see this world and everyone else is invisible to my thoughts. Although I know they are visible to many.

Nearly Unnoticed She is lonely Even though you can't tell She is reaching out For what, she doesn't know She will continue to sit in silence And hope that someone may stumble across Her and all of her emptiness But they only hope that they do it in time Otherwise she will have drifted too far And she may let go Of whatever grasp of the world she has As she slowly fades out of the lives of everyone Nearly unnoticed.