Over 16,533,577 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
I only came across FUBAR recently and saw it as a way to meet new people from other countries and get to know them and make some new friends.
It was after I joined that I realised there is a game involved as well. However I am not primarily here for the game although it does add an interesting dimension.
I started to engage with people and I have found that:
But then, is that not similar to people you meet face to face? I then started to think about what we mean by friendship and how it develops.
The psychologist Oliver James defines a friend as "Someone you think likes you a lot more than they actually do". I kinda like this definition as it resonates rather painfully - particularly with one person I met on FUBAR.
The psychoanalyst Dr. Eric Berne developed a model you can apply to friendship. He said that it will go through six stages:
1. Withdrawl This is where we all are with most people. No contact at all.
2. Ritual We will exchange almost meaningless sentences with each other, such as "How are you" (I don't really want to know if you are not fine), "I'm fine thanks" (No I'm not, I'm suffering from constipation). These are not meant to be exchanges of truths but just a way of checking each other out.
3. Activity We may then engage in some sort of activity around a common interest. You could spend many years sharing an activity with someone but you may never get to know anything about them.
4. Pastime This is about discussing opinions, likes, dislikes, prejudices, hates etc. You are starting to get to know something about each other.
5. Games We play games with people once we get to know them well. Games are distructive and hurtful. Listening to some of the stories on FUBAR, many of us are familiar with what it feels like to be on the receiving end of a game. The most damaging games are played by the poeple closest to us. As Annie Lennox said "there's a thin line between love and hate".
6. Intimacy The stage in a relationship when you can totally trust a person to be honest and to not hurt you. A stage many of us strive for but cannot reach because the people we are closest to do now wnat to or are unable to.
Clever bloke Dr. Berne. I reckon he knew a thing or two because I can relate to his model easily.
So, I would be interested to hear if this all makes sense with you. I would also be interested to chat to people who would like to attempt the journey towards intimacy. I've have not found it often but when I have, it is like the best high ever. If you want to do this then I will make you my family. I haven't placed anyone in family yet. We can create an intimate family!
