It was 10:30 pm on October 28th 1996 near dunkin donuts and friendlys in Harrisburg pa. There was an accident that would forever shape the way I see many things in my life. The day was also eight days after my 6th birthday, so it was even more impacting than what people would think. My mother was walking to friendlys from work to get what she called her morning cup of coffee. (due to the fact that she worked graveyard shift at dunkin donuts) It is a busy highway type of road, more than two lanes going in each direction, and dark.
My mother did this for several years from what I remember and from what I have heard. I do not remember much about her, but that only adds more to the pain. Two teenagers were driving down the highway, one hit her, and drug her body several yards, and then the second one did so as well, only dragging her further. I am glad neither my father or I saw it. This is just what I heard about the accident.
How I heard was when I was trying to get to sleep, there was a hard knocking on the door, it was the police. they asked my father to come in and sit. My father didn't know what happened, maybe he was gonna be arrested again, or something, who knows what was going through his mind, but then he saw mom's boss behind the cops, and he let them in. They explained that he could not see my mother's dead body because it was way to torn up, and that he would need to be home to tell me when I wake up. I fell asleep, not knowing what the hell it all meant. When I woke up later, dad told me to remember the lion king, and that my m other was one of the stars in the sky. I started crying, because then I knew that she would not be back home, in our comfy trailer, or anywhere, ever again. I had to live with Grammy for a short while, and the school gave me a big art kit, because I loved to draw and color. When Dad knew that I was getting ssi for mom's death, he took me back home. The funeral was pretty, and all the cops were there, from what I remember. I ate some sandwiches, and played on some sort of purple spinning thing. It was nice to ride the limo brought by the cops. It is the only part my father forgot, he could not drive in the condition he was in, so they made sure we all rode together.
Since then, the anniversary of my mother's death has brought on a lot of hard feelings. Sadness, anger, guilt, and I have no clue what they mean by acceptance, I know she is dead, but I know I will always be haunted by the event. I do believe in angels, and she is mine. Because, every year since then, I have had someone that I cannot see, nor anyone else could protect me.(for the most part) I admit, she had to have been protecting me, with all of my actions, someone had to have been. I should be dead. with all the things that I have done, and the od's and all the other shit I have done, I should be dead. (and not to mention the od's that were not my fault, they were my dealer's fault. for not making sure it was the right mixture, afterall, you cannot do the stuff straight, or you could die.
In the future, I will be going to visit her grave, once I get a car. and I hope it won't as painful. I hope that I can get past the fact that I do not remember much of her, and that she wass not a big part of my life alive, but her death certainly was.
