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(As some of you don't know who I am, there was a lot of problems going on when i wrote this note, it is just how I feel, and I had a lot on my mind that day, I wrote it on monday I think I am not for sure. You are more welcome to comment on it.. Don't judge me for who I am, If I see that I will delete your comment ok.. Below is the note I wrote and it cause alot of problems on my step dads family his side. so please read of what is going on and how I feel.)

 

Right now my life is always in living hell, why I am saying this, because I have a good reason why, I said it in the first place. I am tired of drama that happens in my life, and I want good things to happen with me. Well it is not going to happen at all. I am tired people loving other men and stuff like that. I just think it is unfair for whom ever is single. Yes that person is jealous of that person but it hurts them so much. I get depressed all the time when I see people holding hands, and kissing and so on. It hurts so much, to me that I don't have no one with me, and I don't think it is fair at all. I do think men are such ass holes for the women these days, why I say that, well because some woman are over weight and trying their hardes to lose it and eat healthy. Skinny people are nothing but making them unhealthy and they do get sick. I just think it is stupid and dumb of what skinny girls do. I don't like it not one bit that is why I say I hate skinny bitches.

Everyday goes by that I don't have no one to be with, or watch movies with or hang out with. I just think I try so much to make a guy happy, I try to think right, but what am I doing wrong? Why is guys so damn pickie these days? Right now I just want to have fun and be with a guy that loves me for whom I am, and not in the outside. That is how I am trying to explain it to whom ever is reading this. I want to be happy that is all, I want a boyfriend love me for who I am, and not the outside, I just think it is stupid men want sex, sex all the damn time.. Hello read this some people are very smart to wait until they are married, I am so damn proud of my self that I kept my vrigintie or so if I spelled it right.

Ok get this off my back I think Italian guys are hot, Why I say this? Because they are so romanceit and love woman duh lol. Anyhow they are really sweet and kind, but I do think Italian guys can be ass holes too, and they do judge woman by their looks, that includs American girls. I don't know I never met one. But I wish I have, yeah there are guys out there that can help people out, Just one thing do they know how you feel about the person inside one another? I feel that something or someone is going to do other people wrong and I just think it is  unfair to them to do that to a female. No one is perfect, God made you for who you are. I just get tired of what other people say to other people and make fun of them of who they are, that is just wrong.

For me I just don't understand why i am so down these days, I just can't take it no more. I just think I want to give up. Like I said before I will never get married, or have a family of my own, it hurts in side that other people are happy and having a family, but I wish that would be me. Just unfair for me and I think I want to cruel up and die and not come out, that is just how I am. I am not putting my self down, I don't want a guy from Kentucky, Tennessee or anywhere, I want to fine one that is in Ohio so I can meet one and be with and have fun. I honestly don't know what do any more. I just wish I could have a boy friend that will get me out of the house, I just tired of being in the house 24/7.

But I know one thing that I am doing is getting my own place and I am very happy about that, I need my own space, and I need my own thing lets put it that way. I do try alot and I love to cook. I know money is tight but hey, I have the lord with me and guiding me all the way.. Well I don't want to make it longer, I guess I have to stop typing this up.. Thanks for whom ever is reading it..

 

Alisha Collins

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