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a woman who hides her pain behind a smile ..i miss the girl i use to be so open an so carefree was always so happy an full of glee..never no trust issues never no grief.. but as the yrs have gone by ive hate what its done to me.. i hate what ive become..this woman in her 40s ..her heart shattered who has also became numb..what did i ever do to deserve what i feel? so tired of the bs ..tired of having nothing real..am i really that bad of a person to have all this pain? i tell myself no but then there it goes again pouring like rain.i feel so numb an i hate how that feels ..im to the point when some1 tells me they want me or love me and i cant tell if its even real..ive had so much pain threw my whole life ..im so over it an done ..whens it gonna be my turn to finally have the one?i tell myself maybe love isnt ment for me ..but then i turn to god an he makes me see..threw him an my friends they all show me the way ..to never give up an love will light up my way someday.just tired of hurting an wish it would fade ..to give me what i want an prayed for it will eventually show me to my face.
Ever been so happy an sad at the same time? Its been a interesting couple of months. Emotions up an down some good some bad.thats life right?lol.well smh..im over the stresses an need a break badly..but I am very happy to 4 the ones near an dear to me who were always by my side an still are??? its always good to have a support system an God in ur life..cuz between them an God u can get threw anything..I just gotta remember that an keep pushing forward like the warrior that I am
ever been so tired of people pleasing,being stressed,taking peoples crap,always being there none stop..
yea well im there now .. ive never once in my 40 yrs done something for me an im over it ..im over people telling me how to live my life an what i should be doin ..im over people hating on me for the friends i choose ..or who i should trust when dateing..who i choose to have in my life in a relationship or friend is my business an no one elses..it doesnt define me as a person im still me a if people cant accept that part of me that are suppose to care oh well not my problem ..cuz if u did u would support my choices..im tirrd of not feeling like i do enough or no at all..im only 1 person with a huge as heart.who would do anything 4 any1..im tired of petty selfish people ..so again my life my choices.
