Some of you are the human version of a participation trophy

Things I am good at???????? Being short

This pollen got us Southern folk coated like some lemon pepper chicken wings

If we end up getting superpowers today because if the eclipse, I will not be a hero

No Sweetie, I don't want your man. Honestly, I don't even know why you want him.

Every Beastie Boys song is like: "Three little piggies, egg fried rice, I spy some girlies and the all look nice"

I understand that you don't like me, but I need you to understand that I don't care :)

I see you, creeper ;)

I'm still in shock that this is my grown height.

Sorry for acting weird. I am weird, and it will happen again.

No pollen formed against me shall prosper Claritin 3:16

I would NEVER kill an animal, I'm more of a people person.

I talk a lot of smack for someone who has to tip toe in the 5ft end of the pool or else I'll drown.

Everybody loves us weird girls til we start doing weird girl shit, I say to my bird, dog guinea pig and tortoise as we watch a documentary on serial killers in our matching onesies.

You'd be amazed at how many times I've fucked around without finding a single thing out.

Cheating on me is easy. Finding out why your car won't start is expensive.

To err is human. To arrr is pirate

On today's episode of how did Misdawn almost die: I was carrying sheets to my bedroom, got my foot caught in said sheet and just about face planted on the floor.

Studies have shown that it do be like that sometimes

Things that can sense your fear: Horses, printers and liquid eyeliner