Dark Hearted JL's blog: "Understanding"

They say time flies, When you’re having fun. But to me, Time seems to move like a turtle. Days without civilization, Is manageable. Days without my family, Is no problem. But days without you, Is like being in the fiery pits of hell. Without you, I drift into a world of evil and grief. Without you, There is no true happiness. Without you, My heart is filled with coldness and loneliness. For you own, My happiness. You own, My freedom. You own, My Heart. As my eyes, Begin to search for you. I start to wonder How could you Of all people Show love, compassion, care, and concern for me. You’ve dragged out My hidden emotions. Emotions I never knew I had You provide me, With comfort and pleasure. You complete My heart and soul.

To tell you “I miss you” Is too vague For it doesn’t express my real feelings For I miss you more than words can describes For you make me whole A vital piece For you are my happiness To have one wish One wish alone It would be to have you with me always. Never to be separated To say “I miss you” Is too vague But I love you and miss you always.

As I lay down my head Fresh dust is thrown While droplets of salt and water fall Screams and wails cover the area Why Why now Has the time come We weren’t ready. As I lay down and close my eyes I slip into a peaceful rest The sleep to awaken my soul But on this day I will not sleep alone No, not alone For others shall follow in this slumber. As we lay down to sleep We wonder shall we be punished Or shall we be rewarded Have we been obedient But then I wonder If I was to sleep tonight Would I become a distance memory Would I be long forgotten Would anyone care. If I was to sleep Would you be happy Would you be sad Would you cry Would you rejoice. If I was to sleep Would you remember me as a nice person Remember me as a devil Remember me as a jerk Remember me as a friend Remember me as someone sensitive Remember me as someone kind Would you even remember me at all Now it’s late The time has come Now I sleep my peaceful slumber.

They say, “Let go of the past, Whether commendable or abominable” But is it possible For no matter what It’s a part of you. For instant A first kiss Or A first love They’re something special A new experience Something wonderful And amazing But even, A first fight Or A divorce of your parents Shall be remembered For it’s new So most memories Cannot be forgotten Easily

Not that I'm planning my death or anything but I decided while writing this poem that I want it read at my funeral: Death is unavoidable This we know It has to come sooner or later This we anticipate But once it befalls It’s shocking Everyone fills with melancholy We’ve lost a love one But there’s always someone To say “Don’t be sad, but rejoice, For we know they’ve gone to heaven.” “Heaven where they shall find eternal happiness.” So be happy Not that you lost someone But that you know That they found true happiness and shall always watch over you.

Something’s been bothering me Making me feel weird Could it be love? Every time I see you I feel something new Something warm I can’t think straight I can’t do anything right I can’t sleep How ever I know it isn’t an obsession Cuz I’m not stalking you And I don’t dream of you But could it be jealousy? For what you show So much affection towards another I don’t know how to describe it O my how it hurts But then again I never really expected you To love me equally

Ask me no questions For I can’t explain Feelings are feelings No answer can be given My emotions own me My thoughts and words Control by my emotions Nothing will make sense Just how I feel Without explanation But my emotions Displays themselves oddly Almost like a brush off When comforting is needed Ask me no more questions For there is no answer

Sit and stare Stare into the darkness of night Darken with clouds No stars No moons Just dark clouds But also Still calmness Sleep covers like a blanket Few go unaffected though For most night is day Their time to work Their time to awaken Our night twins run about Enjoying night as day Beautiful lights as guides A sight to behold Sit and stare Stare into the darkness of night And spot your twin.

Love Something that's alwayz scared and yet intrigued me Something that can easily be misconstrue by others Something so complex yet so simple Love Something I've yearned for Yearned for on many levels and in many ways Let me explain I yearn for the love of others as friends To be accepted as the real me To be cared about at all times To be heard even at the darkest hours I yearn for the love of a lover Not only for sex like some look for But someone I can hold Someone I can entrust my soul in Someone I can share my needs and desires with Someone I can discover my true potential with I yearn for the love of a family A family that accepts me for my imperfections A family that has my back no matter what A family that knows the true me A family that doesn't dwell on my past mistakes But help me through the future I yearn for love at all degrees Love Something that's alwayz captivated Something that can easily be misapprehended Something that I've alwayz longed for And will continue to til I'm fulfilled.

I never have nightmares My daily visions and dreamz Those are your nightmares So vivid and scary But no one can understand Look into my eyes Tell me if you see my anguish My grief I live with these visions everyday and every night I don’t scream Instead I decide to live with these visions Bottling them up and hoping they don’t come true.