Dark Hearted JL's blog: "Understanding"

My Home A mystical and scared place A place of love A place of happiness A place you look forward to meeting, After a long day. A place to meet a warming family Wow, I must be dreaming. It's a place of anger A place of hate A place of bullshit (excuse my French) A place I never liked to be in A place to meet an unsatisfied family A place most wouldn't call a home Maybe it's my fault Maybe I wasn't suppose to be born Maybe I was a mistake Maybe I wasn't suppose to help others Maybe I'm not smart enough Maybe I was switched at birth Maybe I was abandoned Maybe it's entirely my fault Maybe Is this the cause of my migraines, Or is it that I'm lazy. Is this the cause of my low grades, Or is it that I'm stupid. Is this why some teachers like me, Or is it that they think I'm a forlorn kid. Maybe. Maybe my parents were right. I'm a stupid, good for nothing, lazy, low self-esteemed, poor excuse for a child.

Follow me to my world of misery A place I often visit The home where my soul resides This is my place of inspiration The place where most emotions take me It takes me thru the wheels of confusion It’s a never-ending valley of wretchedness It’s covered with dark skies and clouds of grey It’s a constant reminder of all I’ve lived It provides a constant vision of all pain that has happened and is to come It’s a constant reminder of the love I shall never possess It provides a constant vision of sorrow I pray never happens There’s much more than words can express But now you know a bit of this world Follow me to my world of misery Tis not a far journey For all you have to do is to look in my eyes

To write about love I use to a long time ago It seemed so easy then To express myself for another Of whom I thought I searched for Now I’ve happen upon someone One I love and cherish One I'm willing to give my all Willing to devote my life to Willing to give my life for I’ve never experience feelings so strong for another She came about lighten my harden heart Broken through barriers built-up against all But there in lays problems First is I don’t believe she knows how strongly I feel But even if she knew If she found out Or even felt the same There still lays a problem It couldn’t be For her heart belongs to another One whom she feels equally strong for One whom I believe could bring her the best It couldn’t be For others would shun it Families would be sharooshed No one could understand it My love for her is strong and complex I now know her love for me she just as strong I would do nothing to hurt her So maybe it could be If our love is as strong as possible This could be our secret Our secret love

Everyday I think about how easy it’d be to kill myself Whether it’d be to jump off a building Or even stab myself But then I stop to think There’re still a few things I have yet to complete I use to think who would care if I die? My Parents? Please They’ve already proven that I’m a mistake Only reason they pretend to care is so no one would think differently of them. But besides them I’ve met a few friends I know most wouldn’t give a fuck Some might even forget I was ever alive But then I started to contemplate Few might actually care, cry, or even suffer And I don’t want to hurt anyone I love I also started to realize There are still a few that might really need my help And pondered on what would happen if I wasn’t there for them I’ve often thought about how easy suicide could be Whether it’d be to O. D. myself Or even hang myself But unquestionably there’s something stopping I still have lots to complete And there’s a lot I can’t leave incomplete.

You say you love me But it’s like it out of pity You say you love me But it seems like a hard task to express or say You say you love me But I can never be your number 1 You say you love me But it seems like you never want to open up to me I said I love you And it’s from the bottom of my heart I said I loved you And try to always let you know how much I said I loved you And you were always number 1 in my heart I said I loved you And with you I’d share my soul I say I love you And I always will till the day I leave this world You own my heart always and forever.

She suffers pain With few to talk to Deals with the many impediments of life Her friends Her family Her kids Her marriage Her work She handles it as her duty Rarely having a break She remains strong Carrying her tasks As if nothing else matters She allows nothing to divert her path We’ve all met her sometime in our life But we never realize it till we lose her

You’ve saved me From myself From my pain From my troubles From my life You’ve helped me When I was down When I cried When I was alone When I felt unloved You’ve been there for me always You’ve done so much As I look back I think Where would I be without you You are my lifesaver I wish I could show you how I feel To express my emotions To open up You are my lifeboat And I love you

Lonely And Afraid Afraid that I might have lost you Lost my love Cold Cold shivers run through me Darkness all around Sweetness gone Grace and happiness Vanished through air The work of a magician No But it’s my fault Carelessness Guilty for allowing you to go Guilty for leaving you Guilty For it all lies with me Is it possible, That I’ve never lost you Is it possible, That you’re still with me I truly hope so.

I’ve yet to understand true art I’ve yet to see what others see in my poems Those who have seen my work Claim to see words of inspiration But all I’ve seen is crap Shit not worth recognization Wasted emotions that probably mean nothing to most A story with no meaning I use to think of it as an escape What a ill-advised idea What was I escaping from? Was I escaping from depression? Well it still following me everywhere Was I escaping from the pain of love? Well that explains why I’m always alone Was I escaping from life? Well things haven’t really become perfect.

I stop and sit in a corner With millions of things going on around me Yet I block them all out All I can think about is you I take out your picture And just stare Thinking about How it would be if I was with you Playing with your black hair with amber highlights Staring into those beautiful innocent black eyes. And wondering what secret they hold Thinking about How wonderful it would be to glaze a kiss on those cute pouty lips How fulfilling it would be just to hold you in my arms I begin to realize something My heart shall never be complete til I’m with you My one and true love You are my darling queen My love