I am having are really hard time accepting the death of my dad. I am not sure if I ever will.
I am trying to be strong for my mom because I know that is what my dad would want but, with each passing day it becomes harder and harder for me.
Everything reminds me of him, the trees, the sound of the outdoors, my home, his home.
I never thought something could be so rough. I am thinking of seeking some counciling because I really do not think I can do this alone. I have to make myself eat, sleep, work or even a fake smile.
I have lost interest in a lot of things that I use to enjoy doing. I could care less if I even get out of bed.
I try to just do things and pretend I'm not thinking about it but, honestly every moment of every day I am.
I have always been close to my dad, he was my hunting partner, my friend and I just don't know how I am suppose to ever move on. To be honest at this point and time I don't really even want too.
These last 2 weeks have went slower than any other time in my entire life.
I am so afraid I will forget the sound of his voice, the touch of his wrinkled hands, or the smell of his cologne. My whole day is so messed up because I use to call him at certain times of the day to check on him, or on my way home from work, then later in the evening. I still talk to my mom at these times but, I have caught myself wanting to ask her "what's dad doing?"
I do not think my life will ever be the same, I think I will always have this empty, unhappy, lost feeling that will never go away.
