today was kinda rough. you see, there was one last piece of paper that needed to be signed by me to finalize the divorce. it's the one that says i waive my right to appear in court. i guess sub-conciously i was holding on to it because to me that paper represents finality. i wanted to sign it when i had complete closure. i wanted to shut the book so to speak. but because my ex is ready to shut the book now, i had to get to a notary and get it mailed off. what sucks is i don't have near as much emotional closure as i thought i would by now. there's still a lot of hurt that i'm having trouble letting go of. it's more the kind that feels like when i remember something good from our relationship, that it was most likely a lie. i can't even picture our wedding day anymore without tearing up and thinking that he had done something weeks before. i also miss that peaceful feeling i felt on that day. not necessarily him. i don't know. i felt horrible earlier...but as the night has progressed, i've began to feel a bit of life in me again. maybe that paper was what i needed to start to let go of the pain and the past. i know that's going to take a while. thankfully, i have God, my family, and my friends to get me through it. i know that i'm going to be okay. it just takes a little time sometimes. breathe jen. i'm going to be okay because God is looking out for me. i'm so thankful for that. here's to peaceful wishing!
