01-03-02
i'm just a girl....
a socio-phobic woman...
with nothing to give...
nowhere to hide...
guess i'm not worth being...
guess i can't just make you see...
i can't explain myself as i wish i could
well...let us try...
i'm not looking for apologies...
not looking for pity or comfort...
words spoken even in joke or slight...
i cannot begin to show you...
bear with me
...or don't...
what have you...
but i cannot explain myself or tell you what i want from you...
i don't want anything from anyone...
save for myself to stop the insanity...
to be able to speak, where i never was able to
wish you would stop and just breathe...
you're only making yourself more upset, and i know for that i am to blame...
i accept that...as much as you deny it, i know you know it too...
we're one of a kind ripping each other apart...
and twas i who started it all..
i know you want an explanation...
i cannot give a good one...
all i can say is a little girl was joked around about something she said or some way she thought or spoke....
and she felt hushed...and could go no further...
i would not say what i want or do not want...
i would not wish to have either
wants or not wants
i love you...but only want for you to be happy...
realizing it may only be without me that you may find such
i am not saying i would wish to be apart from you,
though i know that is all that you see...
harsh words....aggressive movements...
i am too frightened to act upon any of it...
so i sit here,
and write...
of nothing..
and you...
i love you....
but no matter whether i speak or not...
i cannot win...
we don't seem to know how to just speak...
i am as much to fault as you...
though i believe myself to have been the firestarter to it all...
you have no need for me here...
unless you prefer the chaotic hell i put you through...
do what you will..but none of my words have any effect...
as you will see what you see...
and there is no fighting against that
to show you what's real...
to show you my love for you...
and how deep the river flows
so deep and dark...as crimson...
the blood of my heart, my soul..
offered to you...and you alone...
we shall see what is to come of it...
*bows out*
Rhiannon Senna Mari
