Well, I lay here for a moment on my bed to type this. I know what I should be doing and hopefully my dad will be patient enough for me too. Yeah, we're doing the lunch thing again today, but I need to say a few words and get busy around here.
Time...what an interesting thing. When I have too much time on my hands, I think. Sometimes it's more than I should...The what-ifs, the whys and all the other fun stuff that comes along with it. I struggle with it to be honest. And to make things worse, I deploy next month back to Iraq and well...think mode is in overdrive. It doesn't help when you get close to friends and closer with others. It makes you not want the good things to stop, but you know that it's going to HAVE to happen. It makes your head swim, your heart ache and drives your mind to places you don't want it to go. Why do you think that something like that could happen? Well, it's obviously written, but I guess for me is that it shows me that I cared more deeply than I thought, especially with the absence. Is it easy to get close to someone and fall for them...sure. Do you want it to happen...it depends on the person, but most definitely. Is the timing bad? Does a leper have problems keeping himself together? lol Yeah, I had to throw something in there to offset things somewhat. The hardest thing for me that I think about soo often is that I've spent the last couple of years, isolated. Some by choice where others are by circumstance. And the moment when I want to break free from it all, I can't. Time isn't on my side this time and I feel compelled to get closer than before, not just to put things out on the line, but to show or at least say that something is missing...let emotions get exposed so that I have something to look forward to when I return, rather than a hope. Trust me, it's been years since I've strong feelings for anyone and time has snuck up on me and made things harder than before. Even to the point of having regrets on taking this deployment. I know it's within my best interest for me in the long run, but what effect with it play elsewhere? Will, everything be lost, will it pick up where it left off? I wished I had the answers, but there's only one way to find out. Don't be a stranger, but don't smother either (which I find that I may be doing that somewhat now) and keep positive that the best is worth waiting for. So, a new addition is added to my evening bedtime prayer that the best is worth waiting for and that from time to time, puts a smile on my face thinking that.
Enough for now...those who know I can type, I could fill pages worth, so for now I'll stop and will add entries over the next few days and contemplate keeping this site valid or just go ahead and close it.
