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it freaking sucks.. I've lost internet.. and its nearly impossible for me to get on here any more.. and I hate loosing touch *sigh* do you feel my pain?
Yeah.. so my life is in a real rough spot right now.. facing homelessness and stuff.. but hopefully it won't go that bad
Ok.. so did I mention I'm a blogger? According to my stats on this here site.. no one really reads my little posts here.. but on my actual blog.. it's between 100 and 200 visits a day.. closer to the 100.. and I don't know how many of those folks actually read the thing all that much.. or are all that engaged.. but hey, I'm working on it right..
So I posted a new post.. on wrestling with your self.. or more specifically my own wrestling with my self.. a longer thread of some of what's going on in my life is features in adjacent posts should you be interested.. but the point is more just about the process of wrestling with your self.. dealing with your self.. so if you find your self in such a position.. I don't know.. maybe it might shed some light on stuff? Maybe?
Ok.. so with that the link... my post on struggling with the self.
So you know.. tell me whatz ya think
I don't know.. just hanging out on Fubar for a little while.. it's prompted me to want to make this little post.. just cause...
So what is beauty? The kinda problem is.. there's this kinda hot thing.. For a women looks can be so all important.. and the kinda problem I see, or have always kinda felt is.. that we are kinda whole people.. and that the surface can sometimes have so much attention paid to it.. that the rest of us gets ignored.. and I don't mean by the world so much as by our selves.
Where I find beauty, real beauty.. is where that beneath the surface stuff has had a lot of attention paid to it.. where what we are talking about is a whole person.. not just a barbie doll...
It's maybe a terrible prejudice on my part.. but often when I look at the perfect sorta barbie doll type women.. I get sorta repulsed.. like that's not someone I'm likely to go talk to.. you know.. like if that's what its all about I'm just not interested.. wether I'm looking for a lover or a friend.
Which isn't to say that you can't both be a barbie doll and a great person.. just that it sometimes feels to me all to rare.
Further more.. well lets talk about hotness a little, ha? Now this is where I'm likely to get a little.. I want to say controversial?
In my view.. hotness does not come from the surface! Hotness is something that triggers my sexual appetites.. it's an expression of your sexual appetites.. expressed via the surface perhaps.. or the surface is perhaps the vehicle of it, but it is not the it of it.
Soo.. for this reason I have a certain weakness for "the bad girl." There's lots of words we use to try and control women sexually "whore, slut, bitch" etc.. but a sexual energy that is powerful enough to challenge all that.. well that's F'N HOT!!! It's like saying this is something that's more important then "the rules." It's that dyonesian spirt..
True enough, at its extremes we can look at this as being a bit on the self destructive side.. but.. this can be the sorta of self destructive side that leads to a kind of wisdom.. which augments that kind of beauty I was talking about earlier. Further.. what is the use of living a "safe" life? To live a full life one must have a balance of the safe and the wild, right?
Yeah, lol, so nymphomania is def very hot!
This and I have a weakness for the sexually aggressive type.. mainly, I think, because my life is all too safe.. at least sexually.. I mean as an artist, with that sorta career path.. there's nothing safe about that...
Yeah.. so I don't know how strange this is of a post.. but I figured I should make it. So what do you think?
