I remember the night you told me it was over and that you were seeing someone else. I remember that night because as I gazed outside and watched the rain trickle down the glass thoughts of suicide overwhelmed my very world. I remember telling myself how week I was for letting someone cause so much pain and how strong these feelings where. I wanted the pain and hurt to stop, the very beating of my heart was like that of a thousand hammers hitting a single nail. I was so confused and unsure of everything that I could not even concentrate long enough to plan a successful suicide. Days went by and still no shelter from my own thoughts no relief no where I could hide. Why did it hurt so bad just to wake up? The happiest I could be is during sleep the closest thing to death that I could get. Why was it so difficult for me to let go of you? Why such the strong desire to end my own life? I remember those times and I recall having a dream or rather wishful thinking, in these moments I would see you at my funeral crying holding your stomach and gently saying under your breath that he never knew . That thought that I was going to leave a child behind even unknowingly there was a chance. This was enough light, it was enough warmth and hope that I was able to see past the dark times. This thought was just that a mere dream/thoughts. Well that was until I found out many months later when I thought I had forgotten all about you, that I saw your picture and read that you had an abortion. When I confronted you about the abortion, you did not want to talk about it. However when you eventually did and I found out that it was my child. I could not explain the feeling I had as I visualized my infant child curled up in your stomach screaming for help as he or she was being cut up and sucked out of you like a disease, like an alien. This same child that I saw in you that helped me through a part of my life that I had not expected to make it through. This child my child I could not help him or her it was too late, yet again pain that I had forgotten pain that I would not wish upon anyone came rushing back in a flash. I found it difficult to breath as the thoughts consumed my every waking moment. You said you did what you thought was right at the time, I back your choice even though I had told you I was against abortion would raise the child myself if I had too. Yet if it was right choice then why does it hurt so bad?
