asoldierswife347's blog: "Thoughts Of An Army Wife"

Mike found out yesterday he is going to Iraq in January. He gets 2 weeks of in December so we are going to NY then also before he leaves. I have nothing more to say about this.

1. When you want to have "you" time, what do you do? Watch movies, listen to music, take a shower, sit online 2. Are you comfortable with answering personal questions? Most of the time. 3. Have you ever cried and didn't know why? yup..thats the beauty of being pregnant 4. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life? since my daughter was born 5. Have you ever found someone of your same sex sexy? Yes 6. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it? No been there done thaT 7. What did you do at your lowest point in life? I'm not going to say... 8. What brought you back from that? Family 9. Have you ever envisioned your own wedding? Yup. 10. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry? Can't remember. 12. Do you eat a healthy diet? no way 13. What part of your looks are you the most complimented on? my eyes 14. Do you believe exes can really ever be "just friends? no way i hate all of them too much 15. Would you attend each of your ex's funerals? just to make sure they were really dead lol jk....probably not 17. Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else? no 18. When is the last time you were on a vacation? a few weeks ago 19. Do you make your bed every day? no 20. Are you too shy to tell people when you're developing feelings for them? not really no 21. Do you use the Internet or television more? both...when im in the livingroom online the tv is always on 22. Have you ever worn black nail polish? No. 25. Which celebrity have you been compared to most? the one girl from charmed...not sure of her name not alyssa milano or the chick who dated marilyn manson but the other one 26. Do you have romantic feelings for anyone, and if so, do they know? Yes I do and yes they know 27. What are your plans for your future? raise my daughter, possibly have another one 29. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you? no way.... 30. Have you ever done any acting on stage? no 31. Do you like being in pictures? no 32. Do you cry easily? yes 33. Have you ever been more attracted to a significant other's sibling than them? No 34. What is the last fun, free activity you did? went walking around with my daughter...can't do that here no sidewalks 35. Do you enjoy romance? Yes. 36. Do you tend to fall for people easily? very easily yes 37. Have you spent more time in your life single, or in a relationship? single. 38. What person in your family are you the most like? my mom but i do have my dads temper 39. Are you quick to start a fight? yes!! 40. Have you ever put anything other than cheese in your grilled cheese? ham,,,grilled ham and cheese so good... 42. Do your parents really know YOU? yes 43. Have you ever felt invincible? im sure i did at some point 44. How many cars have you owned? 2 45. Do you get along well with your siblings? yes 46. Would you rather be cheated with or on? neither....i wouldnt want to be cheated on....and i would never destroy another persons relationship or marraige 47. Do you feel like you've got some growing up to do? no i've already done it 48. Do you like to dress up? Sometimes. 49. Have you ever loved someone so much...? yes 50. Do you own a little black dress ? No

It's a vicious cycle. No one wants to trust anyone. Hate will always dangle in the air as a choice. Freedom and respect to be free will never be an option. If we don't do as someone wants, when they want it, we're damned to the abyss. No second chances; third chances are nonexistent. It's an "eye for an eye" kind of world. I hit you, your hit me back. I hurt you, you hurt me back. There's nothing we can do about it. We've been created into these kinds of humans and there's no escape. If wanting to escape, you'll only be drawn back in like a fish in a rod. The phrase, "Let live and let God" is considered bullshit. Not everyone's that religious anymore. Spirituality is dead. Faith is dead and so it fate. Jumping mountains in three days isn't enough to prove oneself. Doing it for a lifetime is what we've adhere to now. Trust is earned. But for how long will we keep trying to earn it? I guess until we're tired out and the want is diminished.

Music seems to be my only escape from this silent home I sit in the dark glaring at the virtual windows shining life into my eyes Only thing that keeps me alive and breathing at this moment in time Can't say much for these feelings that stream from my soul Can't spew anything that's unknown because it's known I feel what I've felt that has been hidden from the public Now there's no place to keep the secret that sleeps in my head Blood flowing through my veins show themselves in the day Can't stop the bleeding Moving in rapid motions are my days with no pulse to prove reality The feel of disconnection isn't so strange anymore It's the only recognizable thing there is to see Can't tell the addicts from the "clean for 60 days" Everyone's troubled in his or her own special way Can't tell the murders from the life savers Everyone's sickly disturbed in their own special way Capable of anything from Miso soup to silencing the lamb Looking at my capability of the so called "impossible" Seeing that I'm just like that one person who walks alone Making eye contact brings unisons But the barrier still lays in the air we breath Can't talk to a stranger because you'll seem "strange" Cold heartedly ignoring someone in need because it's a city thing to do Forever damned of stereotypes and fear Music is the only thing that can bring my emotions to life Abstractly trapped in the rhythm of clacking heels Also heard in that guitar and base cord, drum beat, and vocal melody The pain that drives itself to a high pitch That dances until the world keeps spinning Colliding on the side creates harmony for just a few seconds Even for that one second of connection the world seems solid But out of the realm lays vacancy Out of that realm is a crowd that cannot reach out in understanding Trying to tell the difference from each other keeps the distance growing Thats the reason for it all A home still left and living in silence

*Age when you got pregnant?* 27 *Are you still with the father?* I LOVE HIM OF COURSE I AM!!! *How far along were you when you found out you were pregnant?* 4 weeks *What was your first reaction?* i was excited...i couldnt wait to tell people *How did the father react?* he was happy *Did you get morning sickness?* No thank god *What were your cravings?* pineapple, corndogs and mchickens from mcds *What books did you read when you were pregnant?* baby magazines *How did you feel about your first ultrasound?* I was excited I WANTED TO SEE MY BABY!!! *Were you happy about the sex of your baby?* I was happy either way..i kind of wanted a boy first but next time maybe *Did you excersice when you were pregnant?* uh no *How much weight did you gain?* 75 lbs *Did you attend any pregnancy classes?* nope *How did you know you where in labor?* my water broke *When did your water break?* may 4th *Did you have an epidural?* no *What were your contractions like?* they hurt like a bitch *Natural or Cesarean?* natural *How long were you in labor for?* 11 hours *Did you cry during labor?* no *Babys name?* Danielle Elizabeth Zervos *Gender?* girl *Date of birth?* May 5th, 2007 *Time born?* 1:59 pm *Weight?* 8 lbs 1 ounce *Length?* 21 inches *Did you breastfeed?* no *How long?* NA *When did you go home?* 2 days after she was born *How old is your baby now?* 3 1/2 months *Do you give your baby formula?* yes *What formula do you feed your baby?* Goodstart tith DHA and ARA *What diapers does your baby use?* Pampers *Whats your babys weight?* 10 lbs and 5 ouonces *Has the baby been baptized?* nope... not yet *Whats your babys favorite thing to do?* Take a bath...she screams for awhile when you take her out *What is it like being a parent?* Huh nothing can definitly prepare you for it...It's the best thing in the world but also really stressful.. Sometimes it's hard trying to figure out why she is crying...she can't tell you whats wrong so its a whole big guessing game...but when she smiles at me and tries to talk ..nothing can describe that feeling *Ready for another one?* Sometimes yes and sometimes no...if we do have another one it will be once Danielle is 3 yrs old.

It is so good to be home. I went to NY for 2 weeks. I got home tuesday night. Mikes mom works for Delta so I was flying on a buddypass. I was supposed to leave NY Aug 9th but there was no seats available on the plane. So I waited till the 13th. I checked my bags and went through security and with a baby thats a pain in the ass in itself. I went to the gate checked in and waited. The only reason I got a seat is because a guy didn't show up. I get on the plane, put my seatbelt on and the guy next to me starts yelling at me because my daughter was in his space. He is so lucky I had to get off the plane. I had to get off because the guy decided to show up. So now I have to either wait till 3 in the afternoon for the next flight or go the 14th. It was 6 in the morning already and I was stressed so I decided to make it for the next day. I get there the next day and the same thing happens, there are no seats. Keep in mind also my bags that I checked in are in Oklahoma City already. So I only have the diaper bag on me with only 3 bottles left and 3 diapers. They said the next flight was at 1 in the afternoon to go to Atlanta Georgia but it doesn't look good for seats. So my mother in law calls and tells them I have a 3 month old baby and we have no clothes because our bags are in OKC. They then give me a 9 o clock flight to Atlanta Georgia and I endup being able to get on that one thank god. I get to Atlanta around 1130 in the morning. I go to check in to go to OKC from there and they tell me there are no seats once again. At this point if I hear that one more time I'm going to punch someone. She told me the next flight is at 330 but there are no seats on that either but there is another one at 7 at night. So they expect me to sit at the airport from 12 in the afternoon till 7 at night with a 3 month old with only 3 bottles left. Ya ok! So my mother in law borrows money from her sister and buys me the tickets this time. But now I have to fly into Dallas and then fly into Lawton OK. Ok after that everything went fine but what sucks is my bags are still in OKC. So now when Mike gets home from work we have to drive the hour drive to get my bags. I hate flying. This is why I'll take greyhound anywhere. On another note I had fun in NY. I went out to eat with my sister and uncle and just hung out. I got a lot of sleep because my mother in law watched Danielle. Ok talk to you later bye!

I'm going to NY with the baby for a week. This is my first adventure with her so wish me luck...I'll be back August 9th.

I fucking hate the fact that females keep rating my husbands pictures and adding him to thier fans list. Don't they get he is married and does not need any girls as friends. I've always been a jealous person and I can not help it. I do not think a guy and a girl can be just friends. There is always a hidden agenda from either end. Ok ya every guy I've been with cheated on me so I think he will to. He did marry me though and gave me the beautifulest (did I spell that right?) baby girl ever. But I still have that fear he will do something. I have his passwords for all his accounts...his emails, this site and myspace. I check them everyday and I deleted friends requests from females and comments from them as well. So if your a female and not a family member do not bother to add or comment to my husband. He will never see it because I will delete it!! It might sound retarded and immature but this is how I am and It isn't easy to change.

Stage one: You don't know fatigues from a poncho liner. You wonder what all those "old" women do at those luncheons, attending a potluck dinner requires 10 long distance calls to mother. Stage two: You sew patches on fatigues, attend luncheons, mistakenly iron the poncho liner (which melts) but otherwise are a perfect Army wife. Stage three: You discover the post alterations shop and never sew again. Children enter your life and you forget to attend the luncheon you volunteer to host. The dog throws up on the poncho liner. Mom calls you for recipes. You ask your soldier husband to please drop off those infernal smelly fatigues at the cleaners. Stage four: You've been promoted to a position of authority in the Army wife support system; younger wives look up to you. You get kids off to school, work on you career, tone up your body and try to set an example. You make lots of lists. Stage five: Entering the fifth phase, your spouse hangs up his fatigues, dons desert camouflage, and leaves his family to go half way around the world to preserve peace. You miss him terrible, but rediscover the wonder of a love letter. The kids hang yellow ribbons. The poncho liner becomes the family security blanket. Stage six: He returns home, and you once again are the perfect Army wife. But this time you can manage your family, your job, and your time better because you know what is most important. Stage seven: You're close to retirement years and the chance for a new way of life. The thought of leaving the Army creates mixed emotions; you start to think about another tour. Your parents are starting to need you more than your children do. You find more time for yourself, and suddenly you are one of the "old" women at the luncheon. And so we learn and grow. Each time we step forward, we leave a little innocence behind. For civilians, the props are different, but the story is the same.