Randy In Love 6060 StudiozPain Family's blog: "Thoughts From The Mind Of The Broken & Confused!"

I met this (man) in march of 2007. He totd me he had beed separeated since May of 06'.I like a dumpass I believed him, We started dating for awhile just for him to come tell me they were trying to work things out. So I butt out , I told him I would be there for him if he needed me. Well, she went to GA for IDK what and called him from a bed of another guy. So he called me, Of course I came. Then she came back down they started to try again. He was taking to me on the computer because they were fighting. She ended up putting him in jail. I was there for him. She hauled ass to GA. Ans this was after she tried to run me over because she knew I was pregnent with his child. Which i lost. He moved in with me after getting out of jail and there was no contact for like 6 months then she has her sister call everyone they know to try and find him. So in new years eve he was on the phone with here for god knows how long. Needless to say evertime se came down he had to sleep with her. But telling be he loves me ansd doesnt want to lose me. Yes he has kids with her and she tells him if he doesnt do something he wont be able to see them. He says he loves her and wants it to work with her cause shes lying about being pregnant again cause i was until she stressed me out so much I lost it. Again that is 2 she has basically killed. But yet he wants to be with her. I ennded up in love with him my whole heart and soul. Should I just stand by while he leaves or shoud I fight foor him. He is really nothing without me. HELP

Sometimes I feel as if Im non existant. Everyone just looks right through me. Im invisible to the world and no one seems to notice Im gone. Im alone and scared. Im in love and he thinks that Im always at fault, But nothing could make me hurt him or even consider it. I dont see how I can scream at the top of my lungs and still the world sees me not. Im so confused and lost in this hell of a world SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!?!?!?!?!?!? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Some days I just sit and think if he makes me cry why do I put up with it, But then i realize its because I love him and dont wanna lose the one person who has made the last four months the best of my life. Why would I do anything to compermise the relationship that makes me so happy I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As I lay here staring at the ceiling I think why, how, and what makes me feel so strongly for him. I could have a million things to worry and think about but when Im with him they disappear. He's the high that I cant get from any drug. When Im away I find that I cry myself to sleep because I know Im not gunna wake up next to my sweetheart. He just stole my heart and he dont even know it. How do I get him to open up? How do I get him to see my true feelings for him. It seems like he wants to just shut me out of his life but I dont know how to get him to tell me why. Whats going on? Dont you see that I cant hurt you without hurting myself. So why would I? I love you, why cant you see that in my eyes? These are all copyrighted By The Mind Of The Broken And Confused

My mom just recently has been to the hospital twice. She wont tell me what is going on. She's been dating someone that, I guess it over now cause she was cryin. But I have my own boyfriend problems. My gram is messing up my life. She is such a !!! Anyway I miss my Chunky and I am in love with him. I am worried I am gonna end up like her.

4-18-07 Eyes the color of the morning ocean Skin as soft as her teddy bear She looks up at me with her icey blue eyes and giggles with excitement She gives nothing but love and asks for nothing but care The 9 months was worth the pain for this beautiful baby girl looking at me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4-19-07 She is beautiful So soft and sweet in my arms Sleeping so quietly next to me Waking up she makes a slight gurgling noise as if to say hi and then smiles up with her bright green eyes She never cries Shes happy and mellow as if she knows she belongs only with me She makes me smile everytime i think about her or look at her beautiful face She is the one thing I've dreamed of my entire life ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4-20-07 The days go by and my baby girls growing up Her hair, a bright blonde, almost white, but long, beautiful Shes now 6 months and she already crawlin She stands up on her own and falls but never stops trying She still giggles up a storm, happy, content She trys to say ''ma'' but she just kinda laughs it out Shes my beautiful baby girl and shes worth every second My one and only child but not for long..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4-23-07 Its hard when you dont open up to me and I know your upset Its hard when your mad and I dont know what for Its hard when it sit there knowing you have no idea how I feel You told me I wouldnt get hurt again and I believe you..... But you dont see how your hurting me now I just got out of a relationship where I delt with fighting for 8 months and I know you play around but the way you do it scares me I want to explain to you how it was and..... Its hard when I cant do it for fear of losing you... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4-23-07 I dont know how to keep anything good in my life I always end up screwing something up I dont mean to do things that I do and people dont see that I dont know how to deal with something good because I've only been hurt all my life I've never had anything good that lasted and I'm scared because I'm about lose another This boy keeps me sane He keeps me happy But it seems I cant do the same for him It makes me feel like shit that I cant do anything right anymore But whoever reads this I'm sorry for all I did I'm so sorry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4-23-07 I'm alone in this cold world singing to myself because no one listens to my sad cries I sit here Acid rain from my eyes, burning my cheeks The tears dip into my mouth Salty pain is what I taste Sadness and worry is all I feel Until I see his beautiful eyes shining my way, almost as blue as ice He took me in, gave me love, and still the ending is the same I get torn apart inside but never let him see what I feel It scares me to think he'll leave Because his touch is so warm, it melts this icey heart that lies inside this beautiful soul I wish he saw what he means to me