I picked up my son from daycare yesterday, and I was pulled aside and told that he punched a little girl in the mouth. I would have liked to think that I have been doing my best with raising him. He's smart, very smart, often smarter than me. He is just so bad. I remember when I was pregnant, my sisters little boy was about 3 and I used to tell her that my son would never act like that. He was bad. I would say that he would get the ass whipping of his life had he ever acted that way. And now my son is worse than he was. I don't know what else to do. I have punished him, grounded him from the things he likes, given time out, closed him in his room, any thing you can think of, I have done. Except the ass whipping. I think its about that time. I know I had my ass kicked when I was a being a little bitch. So anyway, he was sent to his room with nothing to do for 2 days. I can't whip his ass for hitting a girl, it won't teach him not to hit. So, he was all alone all day. When it was tome for bed, I went in and gave him a kiss and told him good night. His father on the other hand refused to do that. He wanted to show him that he was angry. The boy was so upset cuz his dad wouldnt kiss him goodnight. Thats when the fight started. No matter how angry you are at a child, you never show them that you don't love them. Its cruel. I am so angry I could kick his ass. I really hate him sometimes. How did I get into this shit?
AH! thats how...
I just need to talk so don't mind me...
I was 17 when I moved away from my mother. I moved into a trailer with my best friend. And thats when I met Oran. I went to a friends house who lived up the street, and he was sitting on her couch. He was 23 then, still had hair, lol. And alot of it. When I walked out her house, I asked who the guy was, she said "Oh, thats just Oran." I decided at that moment, Oran would be mine. He came out of the house, and I told him about our house warming party we were having. So, he showed up. I ended up sitting outside with him all night, just talking. The next night, I slept with him... Damn, I remember it like it was yesterday. My first orgasm with a man. We continued to sleep together, no strings attached for a couple months. His ex had started calling my house at all hours of the night looking for him, and one day, he just dissapeared. Thats when I met Don. I was with Don for 2 years, till drugs took hold of us both. During the end of our relationship. Oran knocked on my door, telling me my mom told him where I lived, and he just wanted to say bye to me before he left. I saw him, and my feelings for him came back. I asked him to stay. I moved out of Don's, back to my mothers. Oran and I became official at that point. I lived with my mom for 2 weeks before I moved in with Oran. I'm not sure how long we were together at that point. I started dancing, he was the DJ. The he stopped working, while I continued. After a while, I left him, thinking that I wanted more in my life. I wanted to go to school, and become someone important. Not just a stripper. So I left. Moved back in with my mom. I started seeing this guy, which only lasted 2 weeks, since he ended up being a dick, called me a whore and I deserved to get raped for the way I act in clubs. I only danced on the bar with a bunch of other chicks. So he took me home, and the next morning I went crawling back to Oran. He was the only one who understood me, and accepted my ways. Encouraged them in fact. Sigh... I found out a couple months later that his ex got pregnant in that two weeks and had a miscarraige. So, I then ended up pregnant. THis was during 9-11. Anyway, I worked at my parents restuarant and Oran did nothing. One night he called me at work telling me he wanted to end things with me, and go back to his ex, again. I was 3 months pregnant. I moved back into my parents. I had Tony, started school, and started seeing people again. Then Oran started again, I want to come back, I love you, I made a mistake, blah blah blah. So I went back to him. We moved into our own place, which he worked for about 6 months. We moved, and he stopped working. I was dancing again. He broke up with me again, cuz he wanted his ex. We continued to share a place, I payed all the bills, he did nothing but pine over his ex. This lasted about 6 months. Again, he made another mistake, he wanted me back. (she wouldnt take him back) We moved to louisianna, he worked for 1 month, his mother booted us out, since he wouldnt work. We ,moved back to Tampa, I moved in with my mom, he with some friends. He didn't work. Finally he got a job, and we moved into the place we are now. He worked for 3 months, and quit. Was jobless a month, and finally decided to go back to his old job, and is working now. He still talks about the ex. I've gone thru alot with him. And in all of that time, I've lost the feelings I have for him. He has hurt me and used me too much. I have taken care of him, given him everything he has wanted. But it has stopped. Now I just need to walk away. Sigh... Its been a rough 9 years.
So there is my life story in a nutshell. There are more heartbreaks than that. I just didn't get into detail. All I want to do is be selfish now. I think I deserve it. I have raised 2 children, with nothing in return. I don't go out. I don't spend time alone, always have a 5 or 32 year old stuck up my ass. If I don't cook, no one eats. If I don't clean the house stays dirty. If I don't wake them up, they don't go to work or school. If I don't get them clothes, they don't get dressed. I do it all. I'm tired... Really really tired. I need rest.
~Tasha
